


I’m Missing You

by Sevenwildwaysup



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Love, M/M, Passion, Porn, Romance, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 09:32:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 37,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2264652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sevenwildwaysup/pseuds/Sevenwildwaysup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ~ Coming Home

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 2207  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen: BigJ52  


Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: Justin decides he’s had enough of New York and returns home…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You**

**Chapter 1 ~ Coming Home**

“Hello Justin. This is Norman Blackwell. We met at your show a couple of weeks ago. I don’t know if you remember me but…”

“Yes, Mr. Blackwell, I remember you.”

“Well, I was wondering if you’re still interested in signing with our agency…”

Justin practically jumps up and down with excitement; he really wants to have Norman Blackwell as his agent.

“I was wondering if we could meet and talk about you signing up with the Blackwell agency. I’ll be out of town next week but I’ll be back from Pittsburgh the first of the month.”

“That’s interesting as I’ll also be in Pittsburgh. Would it be possible for us to have a meeting there?”

“Sure, that sounds great. I’ll give you a call and will set something up for the middle of the week and Justin, remember to bring your portfolio with you.”

“Of course, Mr. Blackwell. I look forward to meeting with you. Bye…”

Justin jumps up and down. “Norman Blackwell wants to sign me with his agency!!!”

~~~~

It’s just after midnight and Brian lies in bed, listening to the radio, smoking a joint and missing Justin. No matter what he says he misses Justin and often wishes he didn’t move to New York even if it was the best thing for his career. It’s times like tonight that he misses him the most as he lays there, alone, playing with their ring box. No matter what anyone believes he really did want to marry Justin - it wasn’t just a knee-jerk reaction to the bombing at Babylon. He often wonders what their life might have been like if they had gone through with it. Maybe they would have gotten an apartment together in New York and he could have traveled between New York and Pittsburgh for work; maybe even opened a satellite office so he could work there as well.

He feels a little stoned as he hears someone out in the driveway, and then fumbling with the lock on the front door. He goes down and opens their door just as Justin unlocks the door. They both look up into each other’s eyes, surprised as they fall into each other’s arms, kissing passionately. They finally break for air as Brian lifts Justin up and carries him over the threshold and into the house.

“I missed you so much,” Justin whispers…“and there’s something you should know…”

Brian looks a little worried as he pulls his lips into his mouth and says, “Okay, just tell me so I can breathe again…”

“I’m coming home. I don’t care what you say. I’m coming home here to our home… Tonight, for good…”

Still biting his lips Brian smiles and says, “Tonight? For good?”

Justin just grins and shakes his head. “Yes! Tonight! For good!!!”

Brian swoops in and takes Justin in his arms again, carrying him over his shoulder and up the stairs into their bedroom. He lays Justin down in the middle of the bed as he starts to place kisses everywhere Justin has exposed skin. Justin wiggles and says to wait, that he’s being poked in the butt. He reaches back around and pulls the velvet ring box out from under his ass. He just looks at it and Brian blushes, looking away for a moment. Justin just smiles his bright sunshine smile and says that they’ll talk about this in the morning.

Brian pounces onto Justin as he starts working his hands under Justin’s shirt and pulls it over his head. He takes both his hands, holding them up over his head and starts kissing him from his forehead down around his jaw. He pauses and kisses him passionately on the lips and then continues down his chest and belly, teasing his belly button. Then he undoes his jeans, pulling the zipper down with his teeth. Justin is so excited he can’t help reaching for Brian’s sweatpants, pulling them down. He watches as his beautiful cock is released and plumps up magically before his eyes.

Justin drools as he reaches for his prize as Brian pulls his pants and underwear down and Justin kicks them off with his feet. Brian can’t help running his hands down Justin’s torso looking with lust-filled eyes. He reaches down and pulls Justin’s legs over his head as both of their erections slip and slide, mixing their pre-cum together to create a slick mess. They rut into each other as they make out passionately. Brian’s cock slips down between Justin legs and pokes and prods his sac, stimulating his balls.

Justin wiggles and writhes under Brian, so excited to be with Brian again. It’s been too long - almost two months. Brian reaches for the lube and squirts some onto his fingers and circles Justin’s pucker slipping in one, then two fingers, stretching him open and driving him crazy. Justin’s breath hitches as his blood pumps through his veins, sending an electrical current running through his body. They look into each other’s eyes asking the same question; both wanting to do it raw but knowing they need to play it safe until they’re tested.

Brian reaches into the drawer of the nightstand and takes out a condom. Justin takes it from him and slides it down his shaft. He runs his hand down his cock again, twice jerking Brian off as he slicks his dick up. Brian reaches down and aligns his prick with Justin’s rosebud. He gently pushes into him a couple of inches and then a few more as he starts rocking in and out, moving them both towards sexual bliss.

It doesn’t take long before they both slam into one another, feeling the friction that’s becoming stronger by the minute. Brian shifts just slightly as the head of his penis brushes against Justin’s prostate, over and over again. Justin can’t stop the beautiful spasms building deep inside; Brian reaches down and grasps Justin’s cock, fisting him on each and every thrust, bringing him closer with each plunge. Justin’s walls clamp down on Brian’s cock as they fight back their pending orgasms…

Justin cries out, “Brian, Oh God, Brian!” as he shoots between the two of them, streaming ropes of cum across both their bellies. Brian follows close behind pumping his load deep into the condom as he loses control and collapses onto Justin. Several minutes later he rolls over and removes the condom, tying it off and tossing it into the wastebasket. Justin whispers, “God, I love you so much…”

~~~~

Justin wakes early the next morning and carefully removes Brian’s arms and legs that are tangled up with his. He runs to the bathroom then comes back to bed with his sketch pad and pencil; it’s been so long since he’s sketched Brian first thing in the morning. Several hours later Brian awakes to the smell of freshly-brewed coffee and Justin smiling down at him. He sits up in bed and takes the coffee cup, sipping the strong brew, waking up as the coffee works its magic on him.

Justin snuggles back down against Brian’s chest and they talk about him moving back home. Brian states all the obvious reasons why he should stay in New York and listens to all Justin’s reasons as to why he’s ready to move back. The main reason being that he can paint anywhere and where he wants to paint is here at Britin in his beautiful studio that he’s never really had a chance to use. Then he blushes a little and says that he’d really like a chance for them to make their relationship work. He says that he always seems to have one foot out the door and he’d really like to take him up on his offer if it still stands. Brian pulls him into his arms and says, “Yes, it still stands…”

Justin sits and thinks about how he wants their wedding to be. Unlike the first wedding they planned he wants something small and quaint, just the family and a few good friends. Not the big extravagant affair they had planned before. He was home for good and glad that Brian had proposed to him again on a rainy morning as they lay in bed. He couldn’t help running his fingers over their wedding bands. They decided on a late summer’s evening at Britin at sunset in the rose garden and then dinner poolside.

Justin met with Norman Blackwell for lunch on Tuesday and he reviewed Justin’s portfolio and was very impressed. He even came back to Britin later that afternoon to see Justin’s studio. He was very pleased and all his reservations soon disappeared; at first he wasn’t that happy that Justin was moving back to Pittsburgh. But Justin reassured him that he would still be available to come to New York for all the important art shows and openings that Norman felt were necessary for him to attend. Then Norman surprised him by telling him that he had arranged for him to be part of an exhibit at the end of June. It was just a small show and that he would only need five paintings. He even suggested using several that Justin had just completed.

Later that evening Brian came home and was pretty happy they seemed to have attracted a yacht manufacturer - Ardell Yachts from Florida. He had all kinds of pamphlets and literature on them to read through over the next couple of days and he was meeting with them the following week. He had to admit they looked like it would be a blast to go out on one of them sometime. Justin makes dinner while Brian reads up on his next big client. Afterwards they decide to go out to Babylon although it will let the cat out of the bag that he’s back home. It's been pretty nice not having to deal with all the family these last few days.

Justin’s POV

There’s a long line for a Tuesday night at Babylon as we make our way to the front and the bouncer waves us in past the others. It feels good to hear the thumpa thumpa beat pounding through our bodies as we make our way over to the bar, Emmett is the first one to spot us as he jumps up and down, asking when I arrived in town. He puts his arms around me and gives me a big hug, welcoming me home. Brian just grins and then casually removes his arms from around me, pulling me into his arms. We drink a toast to my return and I tell Emmett all about Norman, my new agent, explaining that I’ll be working from Pittsburgh from now on.

He doesn’t even hesitate to tell me how glad he is that I’m back, saying how good this will be for Brian and maybe now he won’t be such a recluse anymore. Brian rolls his eyes and pulls me out onto the dance floor. My arms naturally go around his neck as our bodies sway to the beat and his arms encircle my waist, pulling me closer. It feels so good being this close to him after being gone for so long - our love just seems to pour out of us.

Several cocktails and many dances later I wasn’t feeling any pain as he swept me around the dance floor for one more dance before we said goodnight to everyone and made our way home. I slept on the way home as Brian drove the thirty minutes back to Britin. Then he tried to wake me up just to drag me upstairs to our luxurious bed where I immediately fell back asleep, much to Brian’s despair.

When I woke the next morning it was late and he had already left for work but thankfully he made me a pot of coffee before he left. I sat in the living room, drinking strong coffee and realized that my life was perfect, that I didn’t regret for one moment deciding to move back home. It wasn’t long before my phone was ringing. It was Michael wanting to know why I hadn’t called and told him I was back. He wanted to know when we were going to start working on the next issue of Rage. I told him about the new show and explained that I was going to have to work on my new paintings because the show was only a month away.

I’m not sure he understood how busy I was going to be but he agreed to meet later in the week to brainstorm for the next issue. I refilled my coffee cup and went up to my new studio. I walked around, taking in just how beautiful my new space was compared to what I had to share in New York with two others. I felt so alive I was ready to let all my energy pour out of me and across the blank canvas that I had just set up on my easel. I let my mind wander; thinking about the beautiful yachts Brian had been viewing last night. I started mixing several shades of blue and green as they started to come to life before my eyes.

TBC…


	2. ~ Wedding Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin and Brian make plans to marry…

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 2464  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…

Beta Queen: BigJ52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: Justin and Brian make plans to marry…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 2 ~ Wedding Plans**

Brian is drinking a latte from Starbucks as Ted comes into his office and asks if he’s had a chance to go over the literature from Ardell Yachts. Brian tells him they’re just amazing and the advertising campaign is going to be great. He mentions that Jim Anderson, the CEO, has invited him down to Florida for an afternoon cruise next week after he gives them the initial sales pitch. “I hope Justin can get away. It would be perfect if he could go with me on the cruise. It might be the perfect getaway for our honeymoon.”

Brian thinks to himself, ‘oops, did I just say that out loud?’ Ted’s all smiles now and asks, “So you two are finally going through with the wedding?”

“Yes, but I don’t want it broadcast to the whole family until we’re ready to announce it ourselves.”

Ted motions with his fingers across his mouth. “Zipping, zipping.”

Cynthia comes in and tells him that they’re ready to meet with him to go over the story boards for Le Chocolat, the new confectionery account. He motions Ted and Cynthia out of his office as he thinks about how much Justin loved the box of designer chocolates he brought home for him to sample. Yes, this was definitely a product they could make sexy, judging by the sounds that Justin had made while devouring the box of chocolates. Justin had even thought that they should have small sampler boxes at each place setting for their wedding.

Meanwhile back at the home front Justin realizes that he’s running low on art supplies and decides to make a trip into town to replenish his inventory of paints. He calls Brian to see if he’s available for lunch and they decide that they might as well get it over with and go see Debbie at the diner. She shouts out, ’Sunshine‘ as soon as she sees him enter the diner; he takes a seat in a booth in the back and is soon met by Emmett who slides into the other side.

“Hi, Baby, you didn’t tell me you’d be here for lunch.”

Justin just smiles, knowing there’s no way out of having lunch with Em now that he’s here. Debbie slides in next to Em and starts asking a million questions like - how is New York and how long will he be in town? Does his mother know he’s here? Justin motions for her to slow down with the twenty questions and explains that he’s just been home for a few days but he plans on staying; that New York was great but he missed Pittsburgh and he’s decided he can paint here just as easily as painting in New York.

By this time Brian’s there. As he slides into the booth next to Justin he reaches over and puts his hand behind his neck, pulling him into a big kiss. Debbie spouts out. “Oh Christ, they’re going to do it right here!”

“And it’s good to see you too!”

Justin blushes as they both grin at Deb and Em. “I want the usual,” Brian says to Deb as she gets up from the booth just in time for Michael to take her place. “I thought you didn’t have time…that you were busy painting.”

“Now, now, Michael, play nice…”

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t have time to work on Rage?”

“We’re meeting to brainstorm Rage at the end of the week. I just came into town to stock up on paints.”

“I know. It’s just that it’s been so long since the last issue came out and I really need the money.”

Justin just bites his lip and decides not to say anything because he doesn’t want to start a fight. He just wishes that Michael understood that painting has to be his main priority. A month really isn’t that long to just pump out several new paintings. But he’s so grateful to have this opportunity to show his work, even if it is a small gallery that’s just starting to make a name for themselves.

Even with all Michael’s whining it was impossible to miss all the smiles and hand holding Brian and Justin were doing as they ignored Michaels pissy little mood. Emmett changes the subject and asks Michael how things at the store are.

“School will soon be out and the kids will have more time to spend reading comics. Summer is one of my busiest seasons.”

Emmett agrees and says that his business is also much busier in the summer months. “It seems that everyone wants to get married in the summer.”

Justin just smiles and says, “Really? I had no idea.”

Brian leans in and starts kissing him passionately again. Emmett just looks at the two of them and says, “Oh my God! Are the Taylor-Kinney nuptials back on?”

Justin grins like a fool again as he looks away, and Brian finally says, “Yeah. We’ve decided to give it another shot.”

Emmett is now bouncing in his seat, asking for all the details. Brian says, “Slow down there. It’s not going to be a big affair this time - just a small gathering on a summer’s evening with just family and a few friends.”

“Of course we will still need our wedding planner to help with all the details,” says Justin.

Emmett is still bouncing up and down in his seat as he whips out his appointment calendar and starts to schedule a date to plan this small intimate affair. They finally decide on having Emmett over for dinner on Thursday night to start going over all the details. If you thought Michael was in a bad mood before he’s now even more upset about this turn of events. After lunch Brian walks Michael back to the store on his way to Kinnetik.

“Why can’t you just be happy for me, Michael? You’ve been in a bad mood ever since you heard that we were getting married.”

“Because I know this isn’t you. You’re the one that never wanted to get married so I know he’s putting you up to this again.”

“You’re wrong, Michael. This was my idea, just like it was my idea last time. I want this. Can’t you see how happy this is making both of us? Besides, have I ever done anything I didn’t really want to do?”

“Well, I’m not sure when it comes to Justin. You seem to have lost all your principles.”

“God, Michael! I’m thirty-six years old. Can’t you see that I’ve outgrown all those old stupid rules I lived by?”

“Thirty-seven… You’ll be thirty-seven next week.”

“All right, thirty-seven. All the more reason…”

“I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem like you…”

“This is who I am. I haven’t been that other person for a long time now, Michael. Besides, why is it okay for you to grow up but not me?”

“It won’t work… you know he’ll only end up leaving you again like he always does…”

“I’ve got to get back to work now, Michael. I just wish you could be happy for me for once…”

~~~~

Brian rolls his eyes at Emmett and Justin as he says, “What part of small intimate wedding don’t you understand?”

“Okay, okay, we can scale it back a little, but this is after all the Wedding of the Century…”

“No, Emmett. I think we’re interested in having a small formal dinner party for thirty or so people. Nothing so big or gauche…”

“Let’s move on to the menu. You want shrimp cocktail, Caesar salad, live Maine lobsters and filet mignon, with sides of asparagus and roasted redskin potatoes with cheesecake for dessert.”

“And just cheesecake. No stupid grooms on the cake. No formal cutting of the cake or any of those other wedding-type things like throwing the bouquet or garter belts… We’re not a couple of dykes tying the knot!”

“So this is just going to be a dinner with a simple ceremony?”

“You got it… No colors and matching plates and napkins… Just white china, tablecloths and napkins…”

“What about table centerpieces?”

“I think candles will be fine. You know, in those glass globes…”

“Of course Justin still wants a centerpiece of golden gardenias for the groom’s table.”

“Of course he does… Now the only decorations you want are little white twinkle lights in all the trees. Right?”

“Now what about the invitations?”

“Justin plans on designing something special…”

“Of course. Do I dare ask about matches or party favors?”

“Justin wants to use Le Chocolat sampler boxes, and I guess plain white matches will be all right”

“We want to have a full and open bar and a band…”

“I’ll bring out a few sample CDs of some local bands that I think you’ll like.”

“That sounds great. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go work on my presentation for Ardell…”

“Well, that went smoother than I expected. Do I dare ask what you two plan on wearing?”

“Just simple black tuxes with white shirts. Nothing frilly, you know him. But they’ll no doubt be designer tuxedos…”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you, baby! Where do you plan on going for your honeymoon?”

“We haven’t decided. Either Europe or some place warm with white sandy beaches… He really needs to take some time off. He hasn’t really taken a vacation since he started Kinnetik, except of course, when he came to visit me in New York.”

“Oh, that sounds like a dream. I vote for the white sandy beaches, drinking fancy drinks with little umbrellas…”

They both burst out laughing. “I’ll just have to make sure he leaves his laptop at home.”

Justin refills Emmett’s wine glass as they walk back through the rose garden and around the pool, talking about how it will look decorated. They sit in the lawn chairs by the pool and Justin lights a joint and says, “That really went a lot smoother than I expected it’s really going to be a perfect non-wedding.”

“Who are you going to get to do the ceremony?”

“We plan on asking Father Thom. Now we only need to do is set a date.”

“Well, since you doing it at home that will be much easier than if you have to co-ordinate schedules with a hotel or other venue.”

“We’re thinking the last Saturday in August and then taking the whole month of September for our honeymoon.”

“Oh my God! You’re taking a whole month!”

“Yeah. Like I said, he really needs a vacation and it will be great to be just the two if us. Just like you said, lounging around, sipping umbrella drinks…”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you. Who would have ever thought that this day would come?”

“I know. I’m still having a hard time believing it’s all really happening - Mr. Justin Taylor-Kinney and Mr. Brian Taylor-Kinney.”

“Oh my God! He’s changing his name?”

“Yeah, I know. It’s really pretty unbelievable… Gosh, Em. I’ve never been so happy in all my life…”

“What are you girls giggling about out here?” Brian reaches down and lights the roach from the ashtray.

“I’m just so happy. I can’t believe that we’re really doing it…”

“Oh, we’re really doing it all right,” Brian says as he hands Emmett a check for the deposit for their wedding. “So what do you think? Jamaica, Barbados or Spain?” 

“I know a good travel agent. I can give you their name and they can plan the whole vacation for you.”

“I’m thinking we should rent some place on the ocean for the month and really make ourselves at home. You could paint and I’ll get lost reading all the bestsellers or maybe some of those fanfics you’re always telling me about.”

Justin just blushes as he thinks about the fanfics he’s become addicted to.

“Oh, tell me all about the fanfics. I’ve heard they’re really titillating…”

Now Justin blushes even more than he was before.

Brian can’t help but say, “From what I’ve seen they’re mostly porn. Lots and lots of porn… Yeah, forget the bestsellers. I’ll stick with Livejournal and Midnight Whispers. Isn’t that the websites you read?”

Justin still blushes.

“Oh goodie, send me the links, I could use a little bed-time reading.”

~~~~

Later that evening Justin is reading his favorite fanfic as Brian runs his hands down his shoulders and kisses around his neck, whispering, “Getting any ideas for us tonight?”

“God, if only we could actually get into some of these positions. These fangirls really have some imagination.”

“How about you close up your laptop and I show you my imagination?”

Justin leans his head back as Brian captures his lips in a passionate kiss, pulling him off the sofa and dragging him up into the bedroom. They start pulling each other’s clothes off while making out, barely coming up for air. Brian turns Justin around so he’s lying on his stomach; he starts at his shoulders and skims his tongue down his spine. He gently pulls his cheeks apart as he continues running his tongue down to his rosebud. He dips his tongue in, swirling around, pushing in as he opens him up, licking his tender folds of skin as he goes.

Justin pushes back, trying to take in more as his emotions switch into overload. Brian delves deeper into his ravine. Justin starts rocking back and forth enjoying all the wet pleasure. Brian wiggles and licks his slick walls, making him beg for more. Brian gently pulls out and licks down his perineum, taking his balls into his mouth, sucking gently as he swishes his tongue around them. Then he continues licking down his throbbing shaft and takes his head into his mouth. He gently sucks as he runs his lips up and down his shaft.

Justin writhes and moans as he feels Brian entering him with several lubed fingers, stretching him open and coating him. Brian reaches for a condom and rolls it down his hard penis and moves into position. He pushes in slowly, waiting for Justin to adjust, then continues filling him up until he’s fully penetrated. He kisses Justin neck and whispers ‘ready’ as he starts rocking in and out of Justin’s deep channel. Justin’s walls spasm and clench Brian’s cock as they both start increasing their pace. Soon they’re both lost in their rhythm as they slide in and out of each other, escalating their need and passion. Brian’s now slamming into Justin’s prostate over and over until he’s so close he can’t hold back his orgasm. Brian slips his hand down and around Justin’s cock. He jerks him off as they both come together, crying out each other’s name in ecstasy.

“Oh God, Brian, you’re the best!”

TBC…


	3. ~ Brian’s Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin takes Brian away for his birthday…

Title: Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 4141  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen: bigj52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: Justin takes Brian away for his birthday…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 3 ~ Brian’s Birthday**

“Hello Brian. It’s Michael. I was just wondering if we could meet at Woody’s this Friday.”

“No. Friday is my birthday and I have plans with Justin. Why not get together tonight?”

“I know it’s your birthday - that’s why I wanted to get together. You know, like old times. So how about it? You can see Justin anytime.”

“Michael, Justin’s my partner and he’s made plans for us to go away. I can see you anytime…”

“Go away? You don’t even like birthdays. I’m sure you can find some excuse not to go… I want it to be just the two of us. Just like old times…”

“Michael, I’m not going to make excuses and stand Justin up. He’s my partner and I really need to get away. I can go to Woody’s anytime… And I’m sorry to tell you but Justin comes first these days. You should know that.”

“Friday’s the only day I can do it… Oh, come on, it will be fun.”

“Mikey, I’ve already told you NO! Maybe another time. Now I have to get back to work.”

With that he hung up and went back to reviewing his presentation for Ardell Yachts. He was flying down to Florida on Tuesday to meet with Jim Anderson. He was a little disappointed that Justin couldn’t go with him, but he needed to stay at home and work on his paintings for his show on June 20th. So he was only going to fly in and stay overnight.

~~~~

The sun was shining into their bedroom window, waking them up mid-morning after a late night out at Babylon, Thursday night. They had met the guys there to celebrate Brian’s birthday at midnight, and then Brian had taken Friday off to spend the day with Justin. After a night of dancing, endless cocktails and a few hits of E they weren’t feeling any pain but now they were paying for it. Brian awoke to his little nymph giving him a phenomenal blowjob; he fisted his hair as his head bobbed up and down, bringing him closer to ecstasy with each plunge. Brian arched his back as he shot his load down Sunshine’s beautiful throat. Justin swallowed the sweet salty treat and crawled back up Brian’s body until he reached his big full lips, kissing him passionately then whispering, “Happy Birthday.” After they showered Justin made him a big breakfast of freshly-squeezed orange juice, whole wheat toast, fresh strawberries and an egg white omelet with feta cheese and spinach with very strong French roast coffee.

Brian smiles and smirks at Justin. “Can’t you give some kind of clue as to where we’re going? How will I know what to pack?”

“I’ve already packed for us both. Now finish up your breakfast so we can get on the road.”

Brian drinks the rest of his orange juice, not sure he likes having Justin in complete control. “Well, it is my birthday. I might as well start off getting stoned.”

Justin just rolls his eyes but takes a hit off the joint as he walks by, carrying their suitcases. “Brian, can you grab those canvas bags full of food?”

“This is one hell of a picnic lunch you’ve packed…”

“There isn’t going to be very many stores nearby so we have to take everything with us.”

“Justin, you know I don’t do camping!”

“This isn’t camping exactly… We’ll be in a cabin.”

“Will there be lions, and tigers, and bears?”

“Probably. Now relax. You’re going to love it.”

Brian finishes off the joint and complains the rest of the time they’re packing up the jeep. “I can’t even take my laptop?”

“It’s just that there’s no internet connection and I thought that it might be nice to leave the world behind this weekend.”

Now he looks like someone just ran over his dog and I’m pretty sure he wishes he had decided to go out with Michael instead. I come over and wrap my arms around him and whisper, “Just relax. You’re really going to love it.”

“How did you hear about this place?”

“It’s my grandparent’s cabin. I used to spend lots of time there as a kid. It’s really remote and we might not even see anyone else unless we want to. It’s just a small cabin in the Poconos Mountains on Island Lake; you have to take a boat to the island.”

After Brian stops complaining he settles down and takes a nap; it’s a four and a half to five-hour drive and they should get there just about four pm depending upon traffic. It’s just beautiful up in the mountains - all the wild flowers are blooming and you can hear the frogs and cranes croaking and whooping in the background. They finally arrive and tote their things down to the water’s edge as Justin goes and gets the speedboat from the boat house. “We’re putting all this stuff into a small boat?”

“Yes and I suggest that you take off your designer sneakers, because you won’t want to get them wet getting in and out of the boat.”

Justin’s POV

I’m not sure which facial expression is worse - the idea of getting his sneakers muddy or the idea of getting his feet muddy. He looks absolutely adorable. I finally walk him down the dock and start loading everything into the bottom of the boat. I tell him to step into the boat in the middle of the seat and then down on the bottom of the boat so he won’t fall. I jump in and we take our seats, speeding off to the island. There are lily pads and frogs jumping into the lake as he looks on in amazement and I’m starting to believe him when he said he’s never been out in the country before.

We finally reach the shore and getting out of the boat is a little more difficult for him that getting in was. I tell him to just hold into the pole on the dock and step up onto the seat and then the dock while I hold the boat. Easier said then done; he hesitates but then finds himself lying in the water between the boat and the dock. It’s only a couple of feet deep so he just walks straight up on shore. Of course he’s not happy about having fallen into the water and how awkward he must have looked.

Twenty minutes later we’ve unpacked all our bags of groceries and he’s changed into a pair of cut-offs and a black wife beater. I hand him a beer and open a bag of chips as he starts the charcoal for dinner. He’s hungry and cranky but I can tell he really likes the log cabin and how rustic it is out here. There are only three cabins on the island and a handful of houses along the shore pretty far from civilization. He sits back in an Adirondack chair and smokes a cigarette while I shuck corn. He asks what we’re having for dinner, saying that he’s starving.

I brought big juicy porterhouse steaks, baked potatoes, fresh corn and a garden salad with bacon and blue cheese; and of course, a chocolate flourless torte. I pour him a glass of Pinot Noir and we toast to our future. I lie on his lap as he tells me how this place is alright which in Kinney speak means he likes it. We start building a big bonfire and just relax. It feels so great to get away; the fire is so hypnotizing as we lose ourselves in each other.

We finish up dinner and open another bottle of wine. Brian rolls a joint and we lie in front of the fire talking about how nice it is to not have to worry about presentations, and art show deadlines or even the stress of planning the wedding, even though we have almost everything under control. We’ve decided to not have anyone stand up for us, just the two of us in front of all our friends and family. I know he’s upset about the way Michael has been acting - basically like it’s not really going to happen so he doesn’t take it seriously.

If he keeps acting this way he has been I almost wish he wasn’t coming, but then I think Brian might freak out if he didn’t. I really thought that he had gotten over his petty jealousy, but now I think he still believes that he has a chance with Brian. Brian runs his hands through my hair and whispers, “Don’t think about it so much, everything is going to be fine.”

And he’s right. Everything is going to be perfect; it’s just been a long times since we’ve been alone and relaxed. We look up at the big sky. The moon is up and the stars look so bright, so much different from the Pittsburgh city sky. He runs his hand through my hair and behind my neck pulling me closer, kissing me. His kiss becomes more passionate as I feel his cock poking my thigh. He runs his hands up the sides of my shirt and takes it off, lying me down on the old yard quilt. He says that my skin is glowing in the moonlight.

Soon we’re both pulling each other’s remaining clothing off, feeling the warm breeze blowing against our skin. He lies me down on my back as he climbs up my body. He makes love to me under the moonlight. It’s so romantic - not that I’ll ever tell him that. He’s so gentle with me, making sure I don’t get poked by any stones or twigs. You can hear animal sounds all around us and I can’t help feeling like we’re being watched.

He runs his hands down my legs and pulls them up over his shoulders as we feel our erections caressing each other. We’re both leaking pre-cum as we rub up against each other, creating a sticky mess across our bellies. He looks down into my eyes and grins at me. I already know what he’s thinking. We just got our test results back from Dr. Springer’s office and even though we’re talking about waiting for our wedding night we both want this. He starts kissing me around my jawline and ends up at my left ear whispering to me, “Do you want this, Sunshine?”

What can I say except, “Yes, yes I want you so much.”

I reach over and grab his pants and take out a packet of lube. I rip the foil pouch open with my teeth, handing it to him as he squirts some onto his fingers and slips two fingers into me. I’m already wet and excited for him. I can’t believe it were actually going to do it raw. I’ve waiting my whole life for this and now it’s really happening. He runs his fingers around my pucker, gently pulling me open for him. He pushes into me further, wiggling his fingers, brushing up against my prostate.

I arch my back taking more of him into myself as he stretches me further open for him. I whisper, “Please take me now!” as I bite his shoulder. He reaches between us and aligns himself with my entrance and slowly pushes in his big plump head. It is so beautiful feeling our skin rub against each other, silky smooth and unlike anything we’ve ever felt before. He moans loudly as he continues to plunge deeper into my ravine. It is the most intense feeling we have ever felt as his cock runs along my warm wet walls and his ridge rubs against my prostate, tickling me unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.

He pulls back and plunges deeper into me as I wrap legs around his waist, letting him take control as I swing and sway him in and out of me. This is the most incredible feeling we have ever felt and we both know we won’t be able to last long as all our senses are on overload. I feel that beautiful warm and fuzzy feeling building deep inside of me, sending surges of electrical sparks running through my veins. I can’t help crying out his name as my head flails back and forth and tears stream down my face. My orgasm rips through me as my muscles squeeze his cock, pulling him to climax with me.

My heart is beating so fast that it feels like it could pound right out of my chest. I look up at him and see him smiling back at me as our bodies continue to jerk and spasm out of control as we ride the last of our orgasm. I whisper, “God, I love you so much, Brian…”

He just grins back at me and says that was the best. He rolls off me and we look up at the sky - we see a shooting star and make a wish for our future. The animals are getting restless as we hear so many wild kingdom sounds of the night. There’s an owl sitting in the tree right above us. It’s huge. At first I’m totally freaked out but Brian just holds me tight and we look at its magnificent beauty.

On Saturday we wake up as all the cranes and blue herons swop down in the cattails fishing for their breakfast amongst the lily pads. It’s really early and Brian decides that he wants to go fishing and see if he can catch some fish for breakfast. I tell him where all the fishing poles are and then I roll back over and go back to sleep. I hear him clamoring around out in the shed and starting the boat that slowly put-puts off to the other side of the island. I can’t help wondering what he plans to use as bait.

It’s five-thirty in the morning as Brian settles down and hooks the fishing line with one of the old flies that belongs to my grandfather. He waves over to another guy fishing who asks what he’s using for bait. Brian just shrugs and tells him he’s an old fishing lure he found in the tackle box. Brad tells him that he’ll never catch anything with that and offers him some worms to fish with. Brad is standing on a dock, so Brian invites him to come on the boat and join him. Brad says he knows a good fishing spot just around the other side of the lake, but he’ll need to go real slow otherwise they’ll scare off all the fish.

They make their way over there and Brad shows Brian how to hook the worms onto the line. Brad can tell that Brian’s a little squeamish so he offers to do it for him. Brad’s about the same age as Brian and works in construction in Altoona. He’s up here for the week with his girlfriend, Julie whose family owns the cottage. Brad lights a cigarette and offers one to Brian who eagerly accepts it saying he’s trying to quit, that he promised his boyfriend that he’d quit before their wedding.

So you’re getting married? My brother, Chris is gay and he lives with his boyfriend, Derek. They own a small boutique that sells men’s clothing and jewelry. Just then Brian gets a nibble on his hook and he yanks hard on the line.

Brad says, “Easy does it, big guy. You’re going to scare the fish away. Wait for them to get a good hold on the bait and you see your line moving away from the boat then gently start reeling them in. Brad spent the next hour teaching Brian the basics for fishing on a small lake and Brian caught several fish.

Brad casually asks Brian if he wants to smoke a joint and the two of them start talking about the area and getting stoned. They really had a good string of luck both catching seven or eight bluegills each. Brad invites Brian back to the cabin to clean the fish which he accepts. Brad can’t help laughing his ass off at the look on Brian’s face as Brad cleans all the fish and Brian rolls them another joint. They sit and drink strong coffee and smoke the joint as Brad tells Brian all about the area. How remote it is up here and that there is only a handful of cottages around the lake and that the other cabin on the island is very rarely occupied.

At about eight-thirty Brian heads back to the log cabin with instructions for frying the fish and an invitation to go out to the bar that evening with Brad and Julie. He starts beating the eggs and mixing the flour and spices to coat the fish. He makes Justin a pot of coffee and decides to make a fruit salad to go with the fish and biscuits that he made from scratch from an old cookbook he found in the pantry.

Justin awakes to the smell of fresh-ground coffee and makes his way downstairs to the kitchen. He squints his eyes at Brian who’s wearing his grandmother’s apron and is covered in flour from head to toe. Justin reaches up and gives Brian a big kiss as he looks at the table all set for breakfast. Justin just grins as he sees the fish frying in the fry pan and asks, “You really caught these fish?”

“Yes I did, although I admit that I had a little help. I met Julie’s boyfriend, Brad and he showed me where and how to fish. He’s really a nice guy. I think you’ll like him.”

“Julie? Little Julie Hudson that has the cottage just around the bend?”

“I guess so…”

“Oh my God! I haven’t seen her in years; we used to play together when we were kids.”

“Well, I didn’t actually meet her but I did make plans to go to the local bar tonight with them - that is if you want to go?”

“Yeah, sure, that sounds great. Julie was one of the first people that I ever told I was gay. Of course I had to. She kept trying to kiss me and more, if you know what I mean. She may be sweet and little but she sure is aggressive…”

Brian did a great job of making breakfast and a mess in the kitchen. They cleaned it up together and then laid out in the sun and read books and magazines all morning. Justin was making lunch when Brad and Julie knocked on the door, bringing them a freshly baked apple pie. Julie smiled and went over and hugged Justin saying, “Well, it’s been ten years since we’ve seen each other?”

Justin invited them in for lunch and then they proceeded to go waterskiing all afternoon. This was another first for Brian and even though he fell the first few times he then got the hang of it and was able to stay up all the way around the lake. They took turns driving the boat and being the lookout in case anyone fell but after several hours they were all exhausted and knew that they would have sore muscles the next day.

They lay around on the shore and Brian opened a bottle of chardonnay as Brad rolled another joint and Julie and Justin told stories about spending summers here on the lake. How when they were kids they would catch pollywogs and turtles and build elaborate sandcastles, and go boating and learning to water ski together. Then they both laughed as Julie told everyone how she would chase Justin trying to get him to kiss her. And him finally confessing that he would much rather kiss Jared Peterson who was several years older than them and had the fastest speedboat on the lake.

Later that evening they all went out to dinner at the local bar and danced until dawn. They had a live band and it was crowded on Saturday nights. The band mostly played cover songs and the pitchers of beer were reasonable for being out in the boondocks. Both Brian and Justin weren’t feeling any pain although they were slightly worried about how the locals were going to react to a couple of gays invading their space. But surprisingly they weren’t the only gays at the bar that night. Brad’s brother, Chris and his partner, Derek decided to surprise them and come up for a couple of days and they all got along really well and enjoyed dancing together.

Julie’s dancing and laughing when she sees Jared Peterson sitting at the bar with a couple of locals. She can’t help going over and saying hi to him. He introduces her to his boyfriend, Steve and their friend, Patty. She invites them to come and join them at their table or should I say tables that they pushed together. Justin says hello to Jared who remembers him and Julie - that they were the ones that always tipped over their canoe in the middle of the lake and waited to see who would come over and rescue them.

Justin blushes and tells him that he always came and helped us. Jared just grins and says, “Well how could I not? There was no way the two of you could lift the canoe back upright.”

Justin finally introduces Jared to Brian as it’s become obvious that Jared is more than attracted to Justin. Julie steps in and says, “Yeah, Justin and Brian are engaged and plan to marry this August.” Jared congratulates them but still makes it very obvious that he and Steve would be more than interested in hooking up with them. Brian just grins back at them and says that they have just recently become monogamous so thanks but no thanks. But they didn’t let that stop their fun and they all danced the night away and took turns playing pool and darts.

Brian, of course, won every game of pool they played and made about fifty bucks which he insisted on buying everyone rounds of drinks. Julie asked if Jared’s parents still lived on the lake and he said yes, but they rarely came up there. It was mostly him and his brothers that used the cottage. He said that he was living at the cottage all summer this year as he was a writer and was trying to complete his first novel. They all listened as he explained the basic plot which was a murder mystery with a gay background theme. Of course that got Justin talking about reading fanfic which started everyone laughing and him blushing. Julie was more than interested in reading Livejournal.

We both had pounding headaches the next morning and moving very slowly. I got up and made a pot of coffee and Brian joined me on the front porch as we made plans to go canoeing and picnicking. There was a chain of lakes that we used to go canoeing down when I was a kid and Brad had said that he would drop us off up-river. It was about a three-hour ride plus any time we spent sightseeing on the lake shores. It’s really relaxing just basically floating down the rivers and lakes making our way back to Island Lake.

At first Brian was a little unsteady in such a small boat but he got the hang of it pretty fast; it was the perfect way to spend a lazy day on the water. We stopped several times at the shore and enjoyed lying on the beach and going swimming. I packed us a picnic lunch of fried chicken, potato salad and fresh watermelon and a six pack of ice-cold beer and several water and sodas.

Brian made sure I was coated with sunscreen so my fair skin didn’t burn and I wore a straw hat to shield my face. I brought a camera and took many pictures on the way of the beautiful river banks and, of course, Brian in his bathing suit. God, is it possible he could be more gorgeous? I know he’s leaving in a few days and will only be gone overnight but I’m starting to get a bad feeling about him going. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just can’t help it. I don’t want him to go. I want to stay at the cabin and just really enjoy our time together.

I try and tell Brian about my feeling but he thinks I’ve been in the sun too long as he reassures me that everything will be fine. That it’s just overnight and he’ll be back on Wednesday night. I just can’t shake it but I decide not to dwell on it.

TBC…


	4. ~ Brian Goes Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian misses his flight back home…

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 2527  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen: bigj52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: Brian misses his flight back home…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 4 ~ Brian Goes Missing**

Justin slashes a big red band of color across the canvas and watches as it seeps into the blue background and runs down the sides. He feels like he’s been stabbed; he can’t shake the bad feeling that’s running through his nervous system. He hears the phone ringing in the background but he dreads answering it. It rolls over to voice mail and he faintly hears Ted’s voice asking if Brian is there.

The thick blue crests of paint arch off the canvas and swirl like waves crashing along a rocky cliff. The light blue and white edged ripples twist around the edge and wash back out to sea. He sets his paint brush down and picks up the phone, already knowing what he’s about to hear. He expected it to be Ted again. Brian missed his plane; he should have been home last night and no one can get him on his cell phone. It’s Michael who wants to get together at Woody’s tonight after having dinner at the diner.

He’s angry that Brian hasn’t returned any of his phone calls. I try and explain that I haven’t heard from him since yesterday morning; that he was meeting with Jim Anderson and going for an afternoon cruise on one of the yachts and flying back late last night. I tell him it seems that he missed his flight and he hasn’t called to tell me when he’ll be back. I try not to sound too panicked although my nerves are totally on edge and I haven’t slept all night. I can’t shake the feeling that something terrible has happened. I agree to meet Michael tonight and go over the next Rage issue; anything to keep my mind occupied.

I can’t eat and I can’t sleep and the goddamn phone won’t stop ringing and the worst part is I know it’s not going to be him. I feel it in my gut - something’s happened but I’m too afraid to actually say it out loud. So I paint and paint but the only thing I can seem to put on canvas is angry waves crashing in the sea. I decide to have a drink to calm my nerves and then I find myself pacing in Brian’s office, looking at the pictures he has on his desk. There’s one of him holding Gus the night he was born, and one from the GLC art show with his arms around me, holding me from behind. God, we both look so young and then he has one of us in our suits for our rehearsal dinner from our wedding that never was. We look so happy in all the photos and I wonder if I’ll ever feel that way again. I sit down at his desk and open the drawer with his stash box in it and roll a joint. I move over to his leather sofa and sit down, lighting the joint. I still have the photo from the GLC in my hand. I can’t help tracing my finger over his beautiful face.

I lose track of time and realize that I’ve been sitting there for a couple of hours, just missing him. I’m startled when I hear someone calling my name and realize that it’s Michael and Ted. Then I know it’s true as I start to scream, “No, No, No” as tears start running down my face. Michael takes me into his arms and says, “Let’s not over react. We don’t know anything yet.” Ted hands me a box of Kleenex and I wipe my eyes and ask what they know. Ted says that he talked with Mitchell Anderson, Jim Anderson’s brother and business partner; that the yacht they went out on yesterday never came back. That they’ve been in touch with the Coast Guard and they’re looking for them now; that they’re doing an aerial search for the boat.

I just shake my head, saying they were only going for a short cruise. I get up and pour myself a glass of Jim Beam and down it fast and then I refill it again, sipping this one. I tell Ted that we need to go to Florida; that I can’t sit and wait for news here in Pittsburgh. Ted agrees to come with me and we leave on a flight later that evening. Of course there’s nothing we can do but sit and wait and Mitchell Anderson is more than understanding of our situation. He offers for us to stay in the company suites that they have at the Four Seasons. I ask where Brian was staying and request that I stay in his room.

I can’t help but running my hands over Brian’s suit, smelling him on his clothing as I pace around the room, wishing we’d hear something. Ted pours us both a drink and I say that I want to go to the beach where Brian took off; that I need to retrace his steps. Ted agrees that we can do that tomorrow. There hasn’t been any word from the search team and they called it off until dawn.

I’m trying to be optimistic but it’s already been over thirty-six hours since they’ve been missing and I’m exhausted and only running on adrenalin. Ted convinces me that I should try and get some sleep so I lie down in Brian’s bed and try to get some rest. Ted takes one of the other bedrooms in the large suite and I hear him talking on the phone to Michael as I drift off.

My sleep is restless and I dream of Brian lost at sea in the deep and cold water, drifting all alone, shivering and hungry. He’s holding onto a boat cushion for dear life, trying not to think about sharks and other sea creatures. I awake in a cold sweat, sitting up suddenly on the side of the bed. I’m starving and I need another drink. I decide to order room service even if it is the middle of the night and the hotel is more than accommodating.

It isn’t long before they arrive with my cheeseburger and fries and I have to admit that it tastes great as I sit and eat it. I decide that maybe it might be a good idea to hire a private detective to trace Brian’s last steps. Not that I don’t trust Mitchell Anderson but he has to know that if Brian isn’t located soon that I will have to sue him. After all it’s his company who’s responsible and I’m sure they must have liability insurance. Who knows how safe the yachts are and just how big was the boat they went out on?

I’m trying to be strong, but I can’t help but let my tears fall as I crawl back under the covers, wishing Brian was here with me. My mind drifts back to last weekend when we were swimming and skiing. Life seemed perfect and we were so happy although a feeling of apprehensive was already haunting me. I remember trying to convince Brian not to go to Florida. Now I wish that I had taken a couple of days off from painting and gone with him like he wanted; at least we would be together. God, I’m back to pacing as I can’t shake the panic that’s setting in, so I pour myself another glass of Beam and pray that he’s safe.

Maybe he’s like the folks on Gilligan’s Island; they’re safe and they’ve washed up on some remote island. I’m feeling a little drunk as I sit and watch the sun come up over the ocean. One thing for sure - the suite is very luxurious. I realize that I’ll be spending another day without much sleep and wonder what Ted and Mitchell will think when they realize that I’m slightly drunk. I try and lie down again for a little while but I can’t sleep. My mind is racing and my heart is pounding out of control. 

I can’t stop thinking about ships sinking and for some reason I think about the _Titanic_ and all those people drowning. I think I’m going to be sick to my stomach and my tears are back. I try to calm myself down by washing my face and brushing my teeth. I finally decide to take a shower and shave and order breakfast. I’m beginning to think I’m one of those people who eat when they get stressed. It’s still early - about seven thirty when my breakfast arrives and I’m so glad to have a large pot of coffee. Maybe all this food will absorb some of this alcohol and I’ll be able to think straight and not appear drunk.

I hear Ted waking up in the next room. He comes out and grabs a cup of coffee and orders some breakfast. He looks tired and I don’t think he got much sleep last night. I tell him about my plan to hire a private detective to search for Brian and he just nods. Maybe he had been thinking about it as well. I’m feeling more optimistic that Brian’s alive but still lost. I don’t know - it’s just something I feel deep down in my soul. I think I could sense if he was dead. God, I can’t believe that I just thought that. One thing’s for sure, I won’t let myself say that out loud.

The phone rings and it startles us both. Of course it’s Mitchell calling to let us know that they haven’t located him yet. He sounds desperate and I can’t talk with him, it’s too depressing. Michael was sure that if we flew down here he would be found right away, maybe even be waiting for us. He’s so naive sometimes. I can’t believe how simple minded he is… Not that I don’t want that too, but I’m more realistic. The aerial search didn’t show anything and the longer it takes the less likely it is that they will find them.

Mitchell says he’ll be over shortly; that they’ve already started to search again about a half hour ago. Ted’s breakfast arrives and I sit and drink coffee with him. When Mitchell arrives he looks as sleep deprived as us. He sighs and tells us that his attorney says we need to inform the local news station so they can put their pictures out over the air just in case someone has seen them. He asks me if I have any pictures of Brian that are suitable for broadcast. Ted mentions that the one on the company website would be sufficient. He gets his laptop and loads Kinnetik.com and they choose several that would work.

Ted and Mitchell are working on the press release as they contact the Coast Guard to see if they have any new information. Mitchell says that the police will be there shortly and they have a lot of questions. That he was in contact with them yesterday but due to the late hour we arrived they felt it was alright to wait until today to start questioning us. I don’t understand what they think we can offer. We only know that Brian flew down here for a business meeting and then an afternoon cruise. God, I wish Brian had called me before they went out on the cruise.

The police and news interviews were hectic and stressful - all the same questions over and over again. It’s not like we have any information they don’t already know. I see the news broadcast for the first time and try my best to not start crying. I have to believe that they’ll be found. I overhear the police saying to Mitchell Anderson that they’ll have to change their strategy from a rescue mission to a recovery mission in the next day or so. They’ve done some research and the seas were calm that afternoon so they don’t believe that they met with bad weather. But it’s possible that they drifted off course and have gotten lost in the Bermuda triangle where they’re expanding the aerial search to cover that area today.

The waiting is the hardest part and I swear that I’m burning a path in the carpet from pacing so much. Then there’s all the calls from everyone back home. It seems that it’s finally made the national news with all kinds of reporters crawling all over Pittsburgh, trying to dig up information about Brian and Kinnetik. Ted says that we really need to head back home; that we’ve been gone a week now and there really isn’t anything we can do here. I’m resistant to leaving so we decide that we will hire a private detective before we go, just to have someone double checking all the police leads.

I’m at my wits end with so many questions. I know everyone means well but I just can’t take it anymore. So once we get home I lock myself up in the mansion and unplug the phones. I know I’m a mess; that I’m not eating or sleeping. I even called Anita and made arrangements to replenish Brian’s stash. At first I was just using a little cocaine to help me focus and paint. But it’s slowly become a daily habit as I’d rather spend all my time alone, closing out the real world. I finally decide to listen to all the phone messages and it breaks my heart to hear everyone talking as if he’s really gone. I refuse to believe that… 

I’ve been up for days now and I’m stoned out of my mind. I can’t take the pounding at the front door so I decide to just answer it after splashing some cold water on my face and changing my shirt. It’s Debbie and my Mom. I let them in. They’re carrying bags of groceries and some of Debbie’s lasagna and tuna casserole. Of course the last thing I want to do is eat. They’re here to tell me that I need to get out of the house. Maybe go to the movies or hang out at Ben and Michaels - anything to take my mind off missing him.

I try to be pleasant towards them but I can’t take all the _“everything’s going to be alright and I have to be positive”_ bullshit. Nothing is alright and I’m not going to be okay! I’m sniffling and of course my mom thinks I have a cold. She starts pouring me orange juice and insists that I need to eat something and take my vitamins; that I need to keep my strength up. Little does she know that I have a quarter of an ounce of cocaine in the next room. To them I just look tired and worn out from so much stress and not sleeping well. They’re right on that account. I’m not sleeping.

It took forever to get them to leave and now I’m finally alone and ready to finish my painting. After all I have a show in ten days and God help me, how am I going to make it through my show?

TBC…


	5. ~ Coming Home to Pittsburgh…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin struggles with his drug use and prepares for his art show...

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 1415  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen: bigj52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: Justin struggles with his drug use and prepares for his art show...

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 5 ~ Coming Home to Pittsburgh…**

I finally crashed and slept for two days and when I woke I was still so drained and moving like a zombie. I sipped my coffee as I looked at my art work and was amazed at the intensity I had put into the paintings. I would have thought that they would be for shit but they are actually some of my best work. I’m relieved that I’m done so I just need to take pictures and send them to Norman and then start packing them up for shipping. I really need to meet with Michael to go over the next issue of Rage; he’s been so patient with me these last couple of weeks.

I check the phone for messages and it’s full, of course; most are from Emmett, Michael and Debbie. I know they’re just worried about me as I’ve become a recluse since I got back from Florida. I’m just not up for seeing anyone and I had so much work to do. Daphne has agreed to go with me to New York to help set up for the show and I’ll have to meet with Norman daily. We’re leaving in a couple of days and spending a week there partly just so I can get away from the house.

There’s one message from Lindsay asking about Brian’s estate and I’m totally taken aback. I refuse to have him declared dead; I just don’t believe that he’s really gone and it’s only been a month now. I hate to believe that this is all about money. I’ve made sure that they’re still receiving the same monthly allowance they did when he was here. But I guess I’ll have to contact Brian’s attorney and have him deal with the munchers; there’s no way I’m having that conversation with them.

I call Emmett and make plans to meet for lunch to go shopping. I need clothes to wear in New York and just to get out of the house. We meet at the diner and Michael’s also there. God, I hope they all don’t treat me with kid gloves. I wish everyone would just act normal. I just don’t want to talk about it. It’s just too hard with everyone acting like he’s never coming home. I know I shouldn’t but I decide to do a little blow from my bullet before I go in, just to calm my nerves.

Debbie cries out my name and gives me a huge bear hug, practically smothering me to death. Emmett jumps up and gives me a hug; Michael just says hi and pats me on the back. They’ve already ordered and of course, I’m not really hungry. Nothing sounds good to me and finally Debbie just brings me my usual burger and fries. I am extremely thirsty and I drink several large cokes but mostly I just push my food around my plate.

Debbie brings over a box of Kleenex, saying it seems that I still have my summer cold. I humor her and then excuse myself to use the bathroom and do a few more hits of blow. God, it feels good just to be stoned. But I realize that I really can’t stay out in public; I need the comfort of my big house to hide in. I ask Emmett if it’s alright if we go shopping another day; that I’m not really up to it. After lunch Michael and I go back to the comic book store to try and brainstorm the next issue.

We can’t seem to come up with any interesting ideas and Michael asks me if I’m stoned. I didn’t think it was showing but I should have known better. After all he’s used to hanging out with Brian, and took care of him when he was high. He doesn’t seem angry or surprised; he just tells me to be careful and I promise to be. Michael finally asks me how the search is going. I tell him that they haven’t had any new leads in weeks - only that someone did see the yacht sailing in the Bermuda triangle the afternoon they disappeared.

I tell him that I think the private detective we hired is for shit and that I’m thinking of firing him and hiring someone new. That I plan on going back to Florida when I get back from New York. I just feel like I need to be closer to the investigation. Michael thinks this is a bad idea. He doesn’t say it but I can tell he’s giving up and it just breaks my heart. After all he’s supposed to be Brian’s best friend.

I try not to get angry with him but I just don’t understand why everyone is so convinced that he’s dead… No, I can’t…. I won’t let myself believe that. I know he’s still alive and trying to find his way back home. I can just feel it in my bones. I’ll never stop believing in him. Of course Michael is so dense sometimes; he’s asking me if I know what Brian’s Will states? Then he asks if I remember that he signed off on a life insurance policy for a million dollars for Mel and Lindsay.

I’m starting to get mad, wondering if they put him up to this. I can’t believe that people are so self-centered and that all they care about is his money. I start shouting that I’ll never have him declared dead. I’m getting close to crying and I know I have to leave. Then Michael has the gall to ask if I think he’s in Brian’s Will? I just stand up and storm out the back door. I make my way to the jeep and just sit in the front seat, feeling my panic attack coming on. I hold my head in my hands, wishing I hadn’t left the house today.

~~~~

Later that day Daphne stops by with pizza and beers and of course, I’m stoned. She picks up on it and asks how long I’ve been into cocaine; she’s not happy at all. I try and explain that it’s just something I need to get me through these last few weeks. I tell her it’s not a problem and that I can quit any time. So she says, “Good. Now give me all that you have left!”

“What? No, I’m fine. You don’t understand. I just need a little to take the edge off.”

She holds out her hand until I give her my bullet and she empties it down the sink. I try and explain that she doesn’t understand what I’m going through and how the whole family thinks he’s dead. Now my voice is cracking and I can’t stop crying. She reaches out and holds me, rocking me back and forth. Thank God she doesn’t say, ‘everything’s going to be alright’. She tells me to just let it all out. It’s okay to cry; that I need to let myself feel all my emotions.

After a while I pull myself together and I get up and throw away all the used Kleenex; I thank her for being there for me. She just gives me a small smile and then asks if I’m ready for some pizza and it actually sounds good. She hands me a beer and we talk about my up-coming show. I’ve made reservations for us at the Ramada Inn. It’s close to the gallery and Norman’s agency.

After dinner I take her upstairs to my studio and show her my paintings. I hold my breath, waiting for her opinion. When she finally turns towards me she says that they’re great, my best work ever. I can’t help grinning as she says there’s so much intensity in them; they really reach out and grab you. “I guess that’s what happens when you stay up all night painting like a madman.”

“There really brilliant, Justin. I bet you’ll sell all of them. God, I can’t wait. We’re going to New York in just two days!”

I smile at her and ask if she’s alright with us smoking a joint. She says yes but I just don’t like to see you doing any hard drugs. You never know what they’re cut with and considering that you’re allergic to so many things I can’t understand how you would risk it… I don’t say anything because… what can I say? She’s right. Except that I really just need to escape reality sometimes.

TBC…


	6. ~ Justin’s Art Opening…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin returns to New York for his first big art opening…

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 2688  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen:bigj52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: Justin returns to New York for his first big art opening…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 6 ~ Justin’s Art Opening…**

We’re both slightly drunk as the plane touches down. There was quite a bit of turbulence and have I mentioned that I’m slightly afraid of flying? So the only way to calm my fears was with a few shots of Jack Daniel’s. We flew first class as I used the tickets that Brian had purchased and had his name changed to Daphne’s. I make plans to have lunch with Norman Blackwell the next day; my painting should arrive that afternoon.

We walk to the gallery and see that it’s busy with many artists hanging their art work and adjusting the lighting. Daphne mentions how far I’ve come since my first few sketches were hung at the GLC. We both laugh and then one of the curators comes over and asks if I’m Justin Taylor. Then they show me to my space and I’m impressed because it’s located in the middle of the gallery. I explain that my paintings are still in transit but they should be here the next day. It’s Monday night and the show isn’t until Friday night so there’s plenty of time.

After walking around and looking at everyone else’s work we head out to dinner and for the first time in weeks I actually have an appetite. We go to a local Mexican restaurant and order half the menu and drink margaritas. I’m now so excited about the show and starting to get a little nervous. The other artists are really good and they’ve had other shows before where this is all new for me. I’ve only exhibited in really small galleries before.

My head is spinning as Daphne drags me out into the dance floor and we sway to the thumpa thumpa. The music is so loud I let myself get carried away, listening to the strong beat. I can feel all the guys checking me out and then I sense someone behind me, so I turn and see that it’s Jared Peterson. I smile up at him as I let his arms encircle my waist. He’s easy to dance with and I’m really enjoying just letting myself go. Several songs later we make our way over to the bar and he buys drinks for both Daphne and I.

He tells me how sorry he was about Brian and that he hopes they find him soon. He says it was on the news and what a shame it is that something like this has happened. He says to let him know if there’s anything he can do to help out. Then he invites me up to the lake so as not be alone. He seems really nice and he didn’t automatically just assume that Brian is dead. Daphne, on the other hand, thinks he’s trying to get into my pants. I try and explain that it’s not like that at all; that he’s more like an older brother.

Daphne and I go out shopping to the many designer stores and I can’t help but think about Brian and how good he would look in some of these clothes. I can’t resist buying him some new shirts and ties as well as a couple of pairs of jeans. I’m finding it harder to shop for myself but I find a nice pair of slacks and knit shirt to wear to my art opening. Daphne is having a blast and I tell her not to worry about the prices; that I’ll pay for everything. She finds a slinky black dress that fits her perfectly.

So now that we at least have our outfits picked out for the show we spend the rest of the time fooling around, trying on outrageously expensive clothing and that’s when I find the perfect blazer. It looks great and makes me feel like it’s something Brian would pick out for me. We head back to the hotel room and order lunch. I need to be at the gallery in an hour and a half. Daphne’s exhausted from all the running around so she decides to stay and take a long bubble bath and a short nap.

Norman Blackwell is already there when I arrive and he’s looking at my paintings, just standing there, holding his chin. Every once in a while he grunts. He finally sees me and says you didn’t tell me just how intense the pieces were and then he smiles and says that they’re brilliant. We hang them and talk about the lighting. I’m happy to see Norman is truly a perfectionist when it comes to displaying my work. He makes them move the paintings an inch or two here and there until they’re aligned from the perfect perspective.

He makes me feel so proud of my work and I’m really wishing that Brian was here to see it. Norman says that he’s arranged to have several interviews set up for tomorrow just before the show. He wants me to be there about five o’clock and to expect to have my picture taken next to my art work. I know what he’s hinting at. It’s my clothing as I’m just wearing jeans and a black t-shirt right now. I tell him that I just got back from shopping and I plan to be dressed up for the opening.

My cell phone rings and it’s my mother. She and Debbie have just gotten in and they’re taking a taxi from the airport and want to meet me and Daphne for dinner. What I didn’t realize was that the whole gang was coming to the show so when Daphne and I arrive at the restaurant I’m surprised to see so many people. We practically take over one side of the restaurant and it feels great to see everyone. I’m surprisingly relaxed, considering everything that’s going on. It’s good to see Emmett. He reaches out and gives me a big hug, telling me that I look good which is a lie because I’ve lost about ten pounds and all my old clothes are too big on me.

I find out that everyone is staying at the Ramada like we are and planning on going sight-seeing during the day tomorrow to the museums. They’re disappointed that I can’t join them but I have a million things to do before for the show. So I tell Daphne that she should go with them. The only people that aren’t here are Mel and Lindsay. Michael says it’s because they couldn’t afford to come. But I know that’s not true because Brian offered to pay their way when I was first offered the show. I’m guessing it’s because they don’t want to see me.

I know that they’ve been in contact with Brian’s attorney, trying to have the insurance money released. They claim that they need a new car and that their house is too small for the four of them. But from what I understand the insurance policy is in a trust in Gus’s name and he can’t get to it until he’s twenty five. But Brian has an automatic payment of two thousand dollars a month set up for the girls until Gus completes college. Two thousand dollars a month is more than enough to cover a new car payment.

God, it just makes me sick to my stomach when all anyone seems to care about is Brian’s money. I don’t even think Michael contributes anything to JR’s support but they think nothing about asking for more money from Brian. My hand is starting to shake and I have to wonder if it’s from my lack of cocaine or I’m just upset about everything. I’ve had to hide my drug use from Daphne these last couple of days and only do it when she’s not around. Yet I know I’m taking a big risk doing it around the family.

I excuse myself and go to the bathroom to splash some water on my face but in the end I end up doing a line while I’m in there. I sure wish I had grabbed back that bullet from Daphne. I think she just left it on the side of the sink. After dinner Mom and Debbie excuse themselves and go back to the hotel; the rest of us head out to a dance club. They always ask me what the clubs are like here in New York so now they’ll see for themselves that they’re pretty much the same everywhere you go.

We all get drinks and Emmett pulls me out onto the dance floor. We dance to a couple of songs but then I see Jared as he dances over to us and I introduce him to the gang. Jared is hot and so sweet; he buys us a round of drinks and tells me that he knows the bartender so he gets a discount. He asks me to dance and somehow it just feels right. I lose myself in the songs and after a few dances Jared leads me off the dance floor and to the bathroom, where he offers me a hit from his bullet. I ask him what it is because I don’t want to mix drugs, and it just so happens that he’s also a bit of a cokehead.

He introduces us to his friends. Emmett hooks up with his good friend, Tate and we all end up dancing and drinking the night away. The next morning I’m slightly hung over and need lots of coffee to get me started. I can’t help remembering having so much fun as last night. I really like Jared and he seems to be the only one who understands where I’m coming from these days. The gang’s already taken off for their sight-seeing trip and I know I need a little something to calm my nerves. I’m so glad Jared gave me his bullet last night so I have a couple of hits and draw a nice hot bath. I soak in the bubbles, just letting my muscles relax and my mind drift. It wasn’t long before I was thinking about Brian and all the times we bathed together. I missed him desperately and I worry about him. Is he safe? Is he hungry? Is he all alone? Is there any hope that he might be rescued? I reach up and wipe my tears away, silently wishing that he would just miraculously appear before me.

It was times like this that I become so desperate I finish bathing, not even interested in masturbating, for once. I just crawl into bed and try to go to sleep again. I awake several hours later to someone pounding on my door. I drag myself out of bed and answer the door. Of course it is Daphne checking up on me and letting me know that I have to be at the gallery in an hour. I thank her and jump in the shower, trying to wake myself up. While dressing I decide that I’ll just have a couple of hits of coke just to take the edge off.

I’m feeling nervous as I flag down a taxi cab, making it to the gallery just a few minutes early. Norman’s already there, walking around, talking to the reporters and showing them my masterpieces. One of them already has a ‘sold’ sign down in the right-hand corner; I wonder who would have bought it already as the show hasn’t even opened. Talking to the reporters my conversation flows very easily and of course I’m very animated about my work. The time seems to pass quickly and before I know it they’re getting ready to open the doors.

I stood as the reporters kept requesting I pose with my paintings. I smile my sunshine smile and hold my head up high, so very proud of my work. Over the next couple of hours Norman introduced me to all the very prominent art collectors as they all gush about my work. Several asked about my inspiration for my artwork. I’m getting exhausted talking to so many people that I hardly have time to acknowledge my mother and friends as they come by admiring my work.

I finally slip away to use the restroom and have several hits from my bullet. I’m now not feeling any pain as I make my way back out through the crowds. I take a glass of wine from one of the waiters and start to make my way over to the gang who are milling about. I hug my mother and say hi to everyone They ask me about the painting and notice that they have all sold. I’m surprised by this and now understand why Norman was so insistent that I make small talk with all of the patrons of the art scene.

The show is starting to wind down and the gang is talking about taking me out for a celebratory dinner at some fancy steakhouse. That’s when out of the corner of my eye I see Jared looking at my paintings. I excuse myself and go over to say hi; the gang’s shocked when Jared embraces me and gives me a passionate kiss. I think nothing of it as he walks around, studying my paintings.

Mom comes over and tells me that they’re ready to go when she recognizes Jared from the lake. She’s surprised to see him there but happy that he came to support my work. He explains to her how we ran into each other last time he was up at the lake. He lives here in New York and saw the advertisement for my show and couldn’t resist stopping by. Jennifer doesn’t even hesitate when she asks him to join us for dinner.

Michael is the first to say that he doesn’t like Jared; that there’s just something about him that seems off. He thinks he’s trying to capture Justin’s heart and maybe his bank account now that he’s sure to inherit Brian’s wealth. Daphne is relieved as she was beginning to have the same impression - not that he doesn’t seem sweet and charming, at first. He seems too sweet and charming and if she didn’t know better she would think that he’s into drugs. God, she hoped not. That’s just what Justin doesn’t need in his life right now.

They had a pleasant dinner but it was obvious that something was going on between Justin and Jared, considering how frequently they got up to use the restroom. Granted that Justin had quite a bit to drink and Emmett and Ted were convinced that they were just hooking up but it was still strange that Justin would trick right in front of his mother. Emmett finally pulls Justin aside and asks him point blank what was going on with Jared. Justin blushes and says, “It’s nothing. We were just doing a little blow. I just need to take the edge off the stress I’ve been under.”

Justin begged him not to say anything, reassuring him that it was just this weekend and it wasn’t serious. Justin knew he was lying but he couldn’t think of anything else to say. He didn’t want Daphne or his mom to find out the truth. Later that night Justin mentions that he wants to leave to go to Florida in just a couple of days. Daphne’s surprised as she had actually hoped that she could convince him that it was a bad idea.

Justin tells her that if she’s changed her mind and doesn’t want to go that it’s alright, that Jared has offered to go with him. At that Daphne blows her lid, saying that she doesn’t trust him and that she thinks he’s bad news. She tries her best to make Justin see Jared in a different light, confronting him about his drug use and her speculation that he’s actually after Brian’s money. This just makes Justin mad and he tells her that maybe it would be a better idea if she didn’t come, if she’s going to have that attitude.

TBC…


	7. ~ Justin’s Summer Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin returns to Florida in search of Brian …

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 2433  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen: bigj52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: Justin returns to Florida in search of Brian …

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 7 ~ Justin’s Summer Vacation**

In the end Justin went to Florida by himself; it always made him sad when he and Daphne had a fight. He just couldn’t believe that she thought so little of Jared. He didn’t think anything she had said about him was true; Jared seemed to be the only one who completely understood where he was coming from. He tried to convince himself that it wasn’t all about the drugs but in the end he had to admit that their coke use was just about the only thing they had in common. And the idea that Jared was interested in him sexually was just unreasonable when he knew he was still pining over Brian.

Justin checked with the police and the Coast Guard as soon as he got to Florida and there was no new word on the case; they had called off the search and he was now officially listed as a missing person. Justin wasn’t the only one that believed that Brian was still alive; the insurance company had hired a private detective themselves to look for Brian. They had no intention of paying out millions of dollars without their own investigation. Of course Justin was a person of interest from their perspective. After all, he could be in on the scheme to embezzle the insurance company’s money.

Justin was staying at a time-share condo that he had rented through his mom’s work. It was right on the ocean with a beautiful beach so Justin spent the first week lying around getting a suntan and sketching, waiting for word on Brian. He had talked with the private detective that he and Ted had hired, accusing him of not looking hard enough for Brian so he ended up firing him and hiring a new agency. Of course this one charged a lot more money but they promised to scout out the small unnamed islands in the Bermuda triangle; they also scoured the marinas for anyone that might have seen the yacht. Several people said they had seen the boat but that it just appeared to be sailing and there was nothing distressed about it that they could see.

A couple of sailors said that later that afternoon they had noticed that there was a strange dense fog near one of the islands but they had steered clear of it. Of course there was speculation that maybe the boat had capsized from hitting a waterspout which was not unheard of in that part of the ocean. Justin was hopeful and yet fearful all at the same time. Maybe Brian was shipwrecked on one of these small islands so he shelled out outrageous sums of money to have these islands searched.

He had been in Florida for several weeks and was feeling desperate again for any word concerning Brian. He was still using cocaine to ease his pain but he also found himself crying for long periods of time. He was just glad that he didn’t know anyone here, so he pretty much kept to himself. He was still losing weight and he looked terrible from not eating and sleeping; to say he was depressed was an understatement. He so wanted to believe that Brian would be found and now he was paranoid that people were following him which they were.

He was finally inspired to start painting again so he went to the local art supply store and stocked up on brushes, paints and a variety of canvases. He awoke each morning after dreaming of Brian and spent all his time painting on the beach. He used different themes with Brian as the main subject and he was amazed how easy it was for him to paint Brian from memory. There were just certain images that he’d never get out of his head.

One afternoon he took a break from painting and went for a walk down the beach, collecting seashells and taking pictures with his camera. He was hoping that taking a walk would clear his head but no matter how much he tried he couldn’t stop thinking about Brian. How much fun they had at the cabin and going out dancing with Julie and Brad and what a coincidence it was that they ran into Jared that night. As a matter of fact it’s quite a coincidence that he ran into him in New York, especially since he said he was planning on spending the summer at the lake writing his novel.

Is it possible that Jared had gone to New York just to see him and his art show? No, that didn’t seem right; that would make him some kind of stalker although Brian said he thought that Jared was interested in him after they left the bar that night. He just shook his head and let that idea slip away. Later that evening he took out his computer and downloaded the pictures he had taken earlier of the waves and the local pier with all its shops and restaurants. He then notices that the pictures Brian took at the cabin are still loaded in the camera so he downloads them as well; they look so happy, not a care in the world. There’s pictures of them water skiing and sunbathing and one of them canoeing and picnicking.

Soon Justin is just sitting there with tears rolling down his face as he misses Brian so much and he’s so worried about him. He hates it when he’s overcome with so much pain and in the back of his mind he worries that he might not ever see him again. He finds himself crying, rocking back and forth, letting himself feel his sorrow. After a while he’s all cried out and just has a headache. He can’t help himself; he pulls out his mirror and does a few lines of coke. Anything to numb the pain. 

He stayed up most of the night getting stoned and feeling sorry for himself. He finally crashes in the wee hours of the morning and sleeps most of the day away. Later that afternoon, much to his surprise he finds Jared standing at his door, smiling at him. He explains that Justin’s mom told him where he was staying so he decided to come and keep him company. He asks if he might come in and Justin is just so happy to see a friendly face he invites Jared to stay with him over the next few weeks. They hang out together, Justin painting while Jared writes his novel and of course, they do a lot of cocaine. Justin has convinced himself that Jared is good for him; he just can’t see how destructive and co-dependent their relationship is.

Back in Pittsburgh everyone was becoming concerned that they hadn’t heard much from Justin and when they did he sounded high, talking at a million miles an hour. Emmett tried to talk with him but he just kept insisting that he was alright and that he wasn’t using that much. Emmett and Michael decided that they would pay him a surprise visit so they drove down to Florida.

When they got there they were surprised that Jared was now staying with Justin. But they didn’t care, they just pushed themselves in and took over one of the guest bedrooms. Needless to say this totally pissed Jared off. He didn’t like anyone sharing their space and he complained that he couldn’t write when they had visitors staying with them.

Justin, on the other hand, had been feeling homesick and was thrilled to have them here. He was afraid that his cocaine use was getting out of control as Jared did a lot more coke than him. Michael and Emmett knew that they needed to somehow get Jared out of the condo and out of Justin’s life. Much to their surprise Justin and Jared weren’t lovers; Justin was still nursing a broken heart for Brian. That was one thing both Emmett and Michael were grateful for, even though they were pretty sure that Brian had drowned at sea.

Michael and Emmett confronted Justin about his drug use and he broke down and admitted that it had gotten out of control but he just didn’t know how to stop. He made them promise not to tell anyone about it and agreed that after their vacation he would return to Pittsburgh with them and get help. He really did start cutting back with Emmett and Michael’s help. They just kept busy going to all the tourist-type things to keep his usage down.

This was one thing that Jared couldn’t stand and he could feel Emmett and Michael coming between them. Finally one night Jared gave Justin an ultimatum. Choose between him or his friends. Justin was shocked by this turn of events and asked Jared to leave. He didn’t think their relationship was healthy and he felt like Jared was becoming possessive. Jared became angry and actually threatened Justin and then finally punched a hole through a wall.

Michael and Emmett are relieved that Jared was gone and now they could just relax and enjoy the rest of their vacation. Justin’s muse kicked into overdrive as he asked Michael and Emmett to sit for him while he painted. After another week of hanging out in the sun and swimming in the ocean, he started to pack up his paints and prepared most of his paintings to have them shipped back to Britin. He was a little nervous about going into rehab; he just didn’t think his usage was that high but there were times when he couldn’t stop his hand from shaking and he was totally wired. He wondered how he got this way. It seemed to him that he just did a line every now and then he really didn’t believe that he was an addict.

They decided that they wouldn’t tell anyone that Justin had come home with them and that way no one needed to know that Justin had checked in to rehab. Of course they told Ted and Blake as Justin wanted Blake to be his counselor. It was really hard for Justin the first couple of days and he resented everyone treating him like he was some kind of junkie. He thought about leaving several times in the beginning and it wasn’t until he had gone through withdrawal that he really understood how serious his problem had become.

He experienced the shakes and cold clammy feelings. Some days he would just lie in bed and cry; cry for having let his life spin out of control, cry for missing Brian and cry because he just felt like he couldn’t go on. Now he knows why he started doing cocaine in the first place - because he could come to grips with the fact that Brian was probably gone. God, his heart ached and he so desperately wished he could at least smoke a joint or have a drink. That was the hard part. Having to accept that he had to give up all his vices while he was there and he just didn’t know if he could. 

The great thing was they let him paint while he was in therapy and he would stay up some nights until they insisted he turn out the lights. After a while he would take his sketch book with him everywhere and he was surprised at how many people wanted him to draw their picture. His mother called and he acted like he was still in Florida. She told him that she was thinking about coming for a visit over her birthday weekend which was in three weeks which would be a week after he got out of the hospital.

He wondered if he should just tell her the truth about his addiction or if he should just fly back down there and spend a week just enjoying her visit. It worked out that Daphne had agreed to go with him and they would all come back together. This way he could check up on how the investigation was going and hopefully they might have some word on the search for Brian.

He hated deceiving his mother but he just couldn’t stand the idea of her knowing what had become of his life. He couldn’t see any benefit to her knowing the truth and he felt that it would put a strain on their relationship. Daphne, on the other hand, thought he should come clean with her. That she was sure she would be disappointed in him but she would also be proud that he checked himself into rehab without anyone intervening. So in the end Daphne agreed to keep his secret and they flew down a couple of days before his mother was due.

Justin told Daphne that she was right - Jared was bad news that he just didn’t want to hear about. He told her how controlling he had become and that he had come on to him on several occasions. Although he always respected Justin’s wishes and nothing ever came of his passes, he also told Justin that he was willing to wait until Justin was ready to let things go further. At the time he thought he was flattered by all the attention but now that he’s clean it just made his skin crawl and he admitted that he was probably a stalker.

He even told her how out of control he had become when Michael and Emmett visited that he actually punched a hole in the wall. Then he showed her the wall but it was all patched up and the room had been repainted. He said he was sorry that she didn’t have a chance to come down with him a couple of months ago; that he now knows she was just trying to look out for his well-being.

Jennifer and Molly flew down on Thursday night and they just loved having a place right on the ocean. They spent their days sunbathing and the evenings they went out to expensive dinners. Justin really enjoyed himself now that he had an appetite back. They all loved fresh seafood and they even went to Disneyworld and had fun on all the rides. Justin gave Jennifer a pair of pearl earrings for her birthday and made her a chocolate torte for dessert. Daphne was glad that he seemed to be the old Justin and was even back to cooking and baking.

TBC…


	8. ~ Justin’s Reality Check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin tries to find his old self-confidence and make new beginnings…

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 2460  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen: bigj52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: Justin tries to find his old self-confidence and make new beginnings…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 8 ~ Justin’s Reality Check**

After Daphne and he returned to Pittsburgh he asked her to come and live with him at Britin. Daphne agreed but only if Justin went back to school. After all he was so close to having a degree. Besides it would give him something to do all day long; he thought it was a little redundant, seeing that he was already having his work shown at a few galleries, but nevertheless he agreed.

He likes his classes and his teachers and the Dean were more than willing to have him back to finish his degree. Justin knew that Brian would be proud of him for completing it; that was always a sore point in their relationship. Even though he had meet several new friends and kept busy with his art projects he still missed Brian and just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was just waiting to be found. He kept in touch with the private investigators working the case but nothing new had shown up. Justin couldn’t help but think that if something had happened that some of their things would have washed up on shore somewhere. He still refused to believe Brian was dead.

Lindsay and Mel had become more belligerent towards Justin, accusing him of hoarding all of Brian’s money. They were convinced that Brian was dead and they wanted the courts to step in and pronounce him legally dead. Justin was furious about this, considering it had only been a little over three months since he went missing so he told them to sue him if they wanted. The state of Florida still listed him as missing and said that they would have to wait a year before they would consider him legally dead.

The insurance company agreed with the state of Florida saying they wouldn’t pay out on the insurance claim until a death certificate had been issued. Lindsay wanted to read Brian’s will; she was sure that he had left more than just the insurance money to them. She’d been calling everyone in the family trying to get them to agree to convince Justin to have his will read; putting notions in their heads that they all had a large sum of money coming and that Justin was just being greedy, trying to keep all the money to himself.

Justin was so hurt by their accusations. He felt that she was trying to turn the family against him when all he wanted was for Brian to be found. Michael was the first to try to talk with Justin, asking him what harm it could do to have his will read. That way everyone would know where they all stood as far as their inheritance was concerned. To Justin it just felt like they were all money hungry.

But he decided to talk with Brian’s attorney for advice and the attorney offered to let Justin read his will. He didn’t think it was a good idea because it might make Brian’s death seem more real. And even if they read the will it would not be executed until after a death certificate was issued. Justin wasn’t sure how he felt about it all; he just wanted to stop all the bickering going on with the family. Brian’s lawyer told Justin that both the loft and Britin had been paid in full and that they were both in their names as well as their joint bank accounts, so that could never be taken away from him.

Justin had been avoiding the family dinners at Deb’s house due to all the bad feeling going around but he decided that he would go to this one on Sunday afternoon. He had heard that the girls were in town and wanted to clear the air between them. Besides it had been months since he had seen Gus and he wonder how he was holding up. When he arrived at Deb’s everyone was already there waiting for him. Gus was the first to see him as he came running across the yard and into his arms. He looked around and asked Justin where his father was, which almost brought tears to his eyes. He just looked at Lindsay, asking how could she not have at least told him he wouldn’t be there.

Lindsay’s sour expression left him speechless as she responded, “I thought maybe you might have found him by now…”

This just broke Justin’s heart as he looked up at all the family; he hated being humiliated in front of everyone. Lindsay then smugly said, “Now you know how absurd it is to keep telling yourself that he’s coming back. You need to face reality. He’s gone and it’s time we all started living our lives again.”

Justin is so shocked by this that he lost his breath and is speechless as the tears well up in his eyes. He turns around and goes back into the house. Debbie embraces him, telling not to give up hope; she seems to be the only one that still believes that Brian could be found. Even Emmett asks what harm it could do to have Brian’s will read even if they won’t be inheriting anything for another nine months.

Justin just looks defeated and he says that they’ll set a date and have a reading of the will. But that it won’t change anything; that he’ll still keep searching for Brian and they won’t be getting a check for a long time. Lindsay feels like she’s won this argument and then she has the gall to ask Mel if they can actually get an advance from Brian’s estate against their inheritance.

Surprisingly Mel is angry with her and says that she should just be happy that she’ll be finding out if they’re even included in Brian’s will. She thinks it’s bizarre that they all think they’re in the will, that she doesn’t expect Brian to have been any more generous in death than he was in life. Michael looks shocked and says, “But I’m his best friend. Surely he would have left part of his estate to me.”

Lindsay says, “But Gus is his son and his only living heir. Surely he’s left the bulk of his estate to him.”

Justin can’t believe the vultures circling his grave at this point so he keeps his mouth shut, knowing that Brian has left him all his property and probably his business. Now everyone’s busy, checking their calendars, searching for a date to have the reading of his will. Lindsay pipes in with, “I think we should also have a service for him. It just doesn’t seem right reading the will without a funeral.” Justin thinks he’s going to be sick to his stomach, realizing that they’ve all given up on Brian coming home.

He hugs Debbie good-bye and says that he can’t stand to be there any longer. He needs to go home to try and relax. No one else even seems to notice that he’s gone until Lindsay says that she thinks that Brian’s estate should pay for the funeral. After all they’re very expensive. Everyone looks to Justin to get his approval when they notice he’s no longer there. Debbie’s even shocked and says that they’re acting prematurely; that they shouldn’t be having a funeral until he’s found or the state of Florida declares him dead.

Justin goes home and sits at Brian’s desk, running his fingers over the surface, praying that he would just come home so they can stop this circus. He can’t believe how all his friends were acting this afternoon. He takes out Brian’s stash box and rolls himself a joint… Fuck rehab! He needs this after the day he’s had.  
Daphne comes home from studying at the library and smells the joint and comes into Brian’s office. Justin says, “Please, not today. Not after the afternoon I’ve had…”

Then he proceeds to tell her everything that went down at Debbie’s house as he pours them both a drink. He says, “You know I never expected this from all of them. Never in a million years did I think his friends would all turn on him. Everyone except Debbie - she’s still trying to believe in him. After they finish the joint they go outside and sit by the pool, which was one of Brian’s favorite places. Justin sits on the pool’s edge with his feet dangling in the water. He asks, “Am I wrong to still believe in him, Daphne? Am I just kidding myself to think he’ll still coming home?”

The next day Justin is sitting in his life drawing class sketching the nude male model. His mind keeps drifting back to all the times that Brian would sit for him and how beautiful he was. He remembers the first time he sketched Brian while he was still sleeping and then wonders what happened to that sketch that Brian ended up buying at the GLC auction. He remembers how surprised he was that Brian had bought it and how special it made him feel.

He’s brought out of his daydream when his cell phone rings and he checks the caller ID to see that it’s his agent. He steps outside of the classroom and takes the call. Norman’s excited and says that he has just lined up two shows for him. One at Christmas time and the other is set for spring. He also mentions that he has several art galleries interested in hanging some of his paintings. He asks if he can come out to the house in a couple of weeks and bring back several paintings he knows that Justin has completed this past summer.

Justin’s happy now that he seems to have attracted the attention of a couple more art dealers. He’s all smiles when he returns to class and continues drawing the figure study he’s been working on this last hour or so. His teacher comes over and asks how his hand is holding out because he often has to take a break about every half hour or so. His teacher is very impressed with his work and compliments him.

After class he meets up with Daphne and they go and get something to eat at the Thai place Brian loved so much. The last time he was there was with Brian and that brings back so many memories he can’t help but feel a little sad. He asks Daphne, “How am I ever going to get over him? Not an hour goes by that I don’t think about him. I miss him so much, Daph. I just feel like a part of me is dying.”

Daphne says that it’s normal for him to grieve; that even if he is coming back that it’s okay to miss him. She says she would be even more worried about him if he wasn’t grieving.

“It’s so hard to stay positive all the time when everyone all around me is so pessimistic. You should have heard them all. They’re so sure he’s dead. God, I just wish he’d come home and prove them all wrong.”

He’s so depressed he can’t stand being in the house all the time. He asks Daphne if she wants to go to the cabin with him this weekend so they make plans to get away. Friday afternoon can’t come fast enough for them as they pack the car and make the long drive to the island. The sun is just starting to go down when they get there. So they make a bonfire and sit watching the flames as they barbeque chicken and grill vegetables. Justin rolls a joint and they get stoned, reminiscing about all the times they spent here as kids. They practically grew up there.

They stay up late into the night, watching the fire and getting drunk, talking about what the future might hold. Daphne asks him if he wants to return to New York to live. Justin is totally taken back by the question but then admits that he often daydreams about him and Brian getting a super luxurious apartment in Manhattan and Brian opening a branch of Kinnetik there. How he would have access to all those big-time clients down on Madison Avenue and how they would attend all the fabulous art openings and fancy parties.

He laughs and says, ”That would have been some life now, wouldn’t it?”

“You don’t know. Maybe it can still happen. You’re young and your art is becoming more popular all the time.” Daphne replies.

The next morning they woke up late and made pancakes with real maple syrup and thick sliced bacon. They eat out front on the picnic table and watch the waves breaking on the shore. They go for a boat ride around the island and notice that Julie and Brad are there for the weekend. They dock the boat and go up to say hi; Julie is surprised to see them as she gives them both big hugs and asks how the search for Brian is going.

She mentioned that she had seen Jared about a month ago and that he mentioned Brian’s missing person case and that he had spent some time with Justin in Florida. She tells him that he felt so bad about the way things ended. He realized that he needed help with his drug addiction and checked himself into a clinic in New York City. Justin is shocked that he actually told Julie all about what happened but also relieved that he sought help for his problem; maybe Jared wasn’t such a bad guy after all.

The four of them spent the day swimming and water skiing - just having fun in the water. They played cards most of the night, enjoying the last of a beautiful summer’s weekend together. The time went by too fast but it was just what Justin needed to feel relaxed and more like himself.

~~~~

Justin feels the heat of Brian’s breath and it sends shivers down his back; he feels his hands running through his hair as he holds him close. Justin places butterfly kisses all over Brian’s face, welcoming him home. Brian takes him into his arms, kissing him passionately as Justin moans his name. Justin sits up straight in bed, reaching for Brian as he realizes that it was all just a dream, even though it felt so real. Justin’s heart is beating fast and he’s covered in a thin film of sweat. As he wakes up more he’s sure that Brian is alive, trying to communicate with him.

TBC…


	9. ~ Brian’s Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lindsay gets her way and has a funeral service for Brian…

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 2307  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen:bigj52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: Lindsay gets her way and has a funeral service for Brian…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 9 ~ Brian’s Funeral**

Lindsay finally settled on just a service for Brian - no empty grave or monument like she wanted. Having a service didn’t cost that much compared to a real funeral and Justin refused to have anything to do with it. He totally disapproved of what she was doing, which only seemed to make her more determined. She was having it at the GLC which Justin said was even more ridiculous because everyone knew how Brian felt about the GLC. To say he wouldn’t be caught dead there was an understatement. Justin felt like they were making a mockery of Brian’s life and he made it clear that he would not be attending.

She had it announced in the paper so there was a very heavy turn-out; standing room only. It seemed that every fag in this burg wanted to attend the Great God Kinney’s funeral. She started out with Father Thom giving a eulogy then followed with Michael crying through his declaration of love for his best friend and Lindsay saying what a great man and father he was. Ted spoke about what a great friend and businessman he was and how he would be missed by the community. There were even some of Brian’s business associates who spoke about how he was a true visionary in the advertising world.

When it was all over Lindsay invited everyone over to Michael and Ben’s house for the wake. They had wanted to have it at Deb’s house but she announced that she wouldn’t be attending and forbade them to use her place. She agreed with Justin that this was premature on their part and felt they should all wait until they knew the true outcome. She was ashamed that her son would be involved in such an ordeal without even waiting for the truth. She felt that it was morbid with all of them clamoring for Brian’s money.

Later that evening Lindsay planned on Brian’s attorney reading his Will. He only wanted to have the people who were inheriting in attendance but Lindsay insisted that everyone stay. So at seven o’clock they were all gathered in Michael’s living room as he read Brian’s last Will and Testament.

‘To my son, Gus I leave five million dollars which includes an insurance policy of one million dollars in a trust fund to be paid to him on his twenty-fifth birthday. I also leave him a college educational fund of one hundred thousand dollars and a monthly stipend of two thousand dollars per month until his twenty-fifth birthday.’

To my family, which includes Debbie Novotny, Michael Novotny, Lindsay Peterson, Melanie Marcus, Emmett Honeycutt and Ted Schmidt I leave a one-time donation to the Vic Grassi House in their names in the amount of one million dollars.

To my mother, Joan Kinney and my sister, Clair Thompson I leave them each one dollar.

I bequeath the remainder of my estate which includes all my property, bank accounts, stocks and bonds and my business to my partner, Justin Taylor.

“What? Is that it? I don’t understand. We're just listed as giving a donation? That’s all? This is outrageous! I’m the mother of his child. Mel, do something! You have to do something…”

“I think that he’s been more than generous. After all Brian has always believed in working hard to earn a good living and pulling yourself up with your bootstraps. I, for one, am very proud to have my name associated with that large donation to the Vic Grassi House,” Melanie replied.

Everyone was in shock after what was read sunk in. Michael asked Lindsay, “What happened?”

She had told him that he would be getting a large inheritance. They all seem so disappointed. Ted sniped in, “Well, he could have left each of us one dollar like he did his family.”

Lindsay says, “One million dollars? That’s what about one hundred and sixty thousand each.”

Michael says, “At least you’re still getting two thousand dollars a month. That’s something…”

“But I already picked out my new car…” Distraught, she looks at Mel.

“So Justin gets everything? I bet he already knew this and that’s why he didn’t attend Brian’s funeral. Mel, there has to be something we can do. Can’t we sue Brian’s estate?”

“Is that really what you want to do? Please stand back from all of this and look at yourself. I can’t believe the way you’re acting. Maybe Justin’s right. Brian isn’t dead and when he’s found you can ask him about your inheritance. Quite frankly, I’m ashamed of the way you’re carrying on. You’re acting like the only thing you care about is his money.”

~~~~

Back at Britin Justin’s struggling with the fact that Brian’s friends are so heartless, so eager to have him dead and buried. He is just grateful that Lindsay couldn’t afford a real funeral; he can’t help the tears running down his face, he misses him so much. Daphne comes over and puts her arms around him encouraging him to let it all out. After having a good hard crying session, Justin rolls a joint and sits looking at a scrapbook of photos of the two of them. Today is one of the hardest days he’s had to deal with.

It isn’t long before the house phone starts ringing, but Justin lets it roll over to voicemail knowing that it’s probably Lindsay calling to complain about Brian’s will. He doesn’t know what it says but he’s sure she won’t be happy with any amount of money. He finds it strange how much people change when money is involved, whereas he’d rather not get any inheritance. Everyone one else can’t seem to wait for their share. One thing he is surprised about is the fact that Joan and Claire haven’t been on the war path for Brian’s estate.

Daphne tries to cheers him up asking if he wants to go out to dinner, but he’s so depressed he just wants to go upstairs and paint to get his mind off Brian’s funeral. She tells him that she’s ordering pizza and that she’ll let him know when it gets here. He works on several canvases but he can’t seem to get in the groove. He’s frustrated and angry, throwing paint at the canvases and yelling at them. He finds himself crying again, feeling overwhelmed with grief. He feels like his heart is breaking and he’s so lonely. God, he wishes he had something stronger than a joint to get high on.

Then he remembers something about the stages of grief and maybe he’s still in the denial stage. He just can’t believe that his life is falling apart. He refuses to go into therapy because then he would be admitting that Lindsay is right. That Brian really is gone and he truly doesn’t believe that. He’s angry and feels like he’s been left behind. How could Brian do this to him? He couldn’t believe how many people had suggested that he go into therapy; his mother, Daphne, and even Debbie and they’re supposed to be on his side. Even if he did, who would he talk to? Then he remembers Brian mentioning a Dr. Wilder back from when he was bashed.

He doesn’t really want some coke - he just wants all his pain to go away. He’s still underweight and doesn’t eat or sleep that much. He’s been up most of the night and he has to go to class in a couple of hours. He showers and goes down, makes coffee and reads the newspaper. There’s an article about a new exhibit at the Sidney Bloom gallery that he thinks he’d like to attend this Friday - a local ceramics artist called Shawn Jameson. He’s taking a ceramics class right now and he’s really enjoying working in a new medium.

It turns out his professor for his ceramics class is good friends with the artist and has arranged for the class to go to Shawn’s studio later in the week. Justin’s excited about it and can’t wait to see his work. Currently Justin’s working with porcelain, learning to throw pots on the potter’s wheel. He’s not very good at it but practice makes perfect. He’s also working on a sculpture of Brian and that’s really fun trying to capture his likeness in clay.

He stops by the Sidney Bloom gallery on the way home just to say hi and to show him some slides of his latest paintings. Shawn is there setting up for his show this coming Friday night. Sidney introduces them and there’s an immediate attraction between the two of them. They strike up a conversation and Justin mentions that he’s attending PIFA and that his class is coming to Shawn’s studio on Wednesday afternoon. Both men seem pretty eager to see each other again. Justin asks a lot of questions about his techniques and compliments him on his outsized vases.

Sidney comes back from taking a phone call and asks Justin if he’s interested in hanging several of his new paintings at the gallery. Justin blushes and then eagerly accepts. Shawn asks him about his paintings and says he looks forward to seeing his work. The chemistry between the two of them is so thick you could cut it with a knife. After Shawn shows Justin some of the major pieces in his exhibit he walks him to the door and says that he hopes Justin will come to the show.

And for the first time in months Justin is happy and excited about meeting someone who understands his work. He meets Daphne at the Liberty Diner for lunch and it’s obvious to everyone that Justin is happy for once. He explains that he just met the artist, Shawn Jameson at the gallery and can’t help going on and on about his work. Daphne’s happy for him; she’s just so glad he isn’t in his normal depressed mood.

Unfortunately that doesn’t last long. Lindsay and Mel show up at the diner and see Justin sitting there; Lindsay can’t help but question him about Brian’s will. He tells her that he’s hasn’t read it so he doesn’t know what her inheritance was. She’s angry and her face is turning beet-red. She wants to know if he knows that he inherits everything. She complains that it isn’t fair and she wants Justin to do something about it. After all she is the mother of Brian’s child.

Justin is taken aback and confused. He says, “I can’t believe that Brian didn’t leave anything in his will for Gus.” He was sure that Brian would have taken care of him. Lindsay gets even madder as she says, “Of course he’s left Gus a trust fund but he didn’t leave me anything. Justin just looks at her and says, “It’s my understanding that you’ll be receiving the same monthly stipend that you’re receiving now and when you add that up it’s over four hundred thousand dollars. If you ask me that’s quite a bit of money. What more do you want?”

Lindsay stutters and stumbles on her words. She asks Mel, “Is that right? Is it really that much money?” Mel just looks at them and then she apologises to Justin for Lindsay’s outburst. Lindsay still can’t help herself as she says that Justin has so much more money than they have and he can afford to give them a larger monthly stipend. Whatever good mood Justin had been in before was now gone. He just wants to go home and work in his studio.

~~~~

Shawn’s studio is huge and after he gave his lecture in ceramics to the class they toured his space. Shawn couldn’t help but ask Justin if they could go and have coffee sometime and they exchanged numbers. Justin said he was free after his life drawing class Thursday around lunch time, so they made plans to meet for lunch at a Chinese restaurant.

He had planned on asking Daphne if she wanted to go with him to the art opening at the Bloom gallery but in the end he decided to go on his own. It’s really crowded and Sidney introduces him to several prominent art collectors who are admiring the couple of paintings he has hung in the upper level of the gallery. Sidney couldn’t help but tell them that Justin will soon have several more paintings displayed.

Justin continues to schmooze with some of the artists and they talk about their own art work and their upcoming shows at the gallery. It was an hour or so before Shawn could break away and come and talk with Justin. He thanked him for coming and asked him if he wanted to have dinner after the show. An hour later they break away from the dwindling crowds and go to dinner. Justin admires how easily Shawn handled the crowds, saying how nervous he always was at his own shows. Shawn tells him that it all comes with time and besides he’s known almost everyone there for years now.

They have an enjoyable dinner and the conversation seems to flow easily with the two of them really enjoying each other’s company. They got to talking about Shawn’s studio and how much Justin enjoyed seeing his workspace and art work. He mentions that he has a studio at his home and ends up inviting Shawn over to see it sometime.

They went back to Shawn’s house and stayed up talking until the wee hours of the morning. Once Justin noticed how late it was he told Shawn that he really had to leave. Shawn walks him to his car and when he says goodnight he embraces Justin, pulling him into a passionate kiss. Justin can’t stop thinking about Shawn and the kiss the whole drive home to West Virginia.

TBC…


	10. ~ Dreaming of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin dreams of Brian…

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 3085  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen: BigJ52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: Justin dreams of Brian…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 10 ~ Dreaming of You**

His breathing hitches and he can’t stop moaning; it feels so good to be held in his arms again. They’ve missed each other desperately as their mouths crash together. Brian runs his hands all over Justin’s body; every sensation sends a charge of electricity through him, igniting a desire so deep within him it burns. Their skin is slick with beads of sweat forming all over their bodies as they move together; Brian pulls Justin’s legs up over his head tickling his inner thigh with butterfly kisses. Justin’s panting, trying to catch his breath as Brian’s body covers his; he reaches down and aligns his beautiful cock at Justin’s entrance and gently pushes in.

Justin arches his back as Brian slides deep into him, creating a silky sensation as their skin rubs together. They’re gently building a slick friction within, pulling them closer and closer to ecstasy. Brian increases his stride, pumping deeper into Justin until he can’t hold back much longer. Justin is so close as he chants Brian’s name over and over again. Until all of a sudden he hears a loud siren going off and he jumps up out of bed, turning off his alarm. He just sits there staring off into space, his skin still burning with desire, covered in sweat; he can’t believe that it was just a dream.

It seemed so real and he could feel every sensation. That’s the third time this week he’s had dreams of him and Brian making love. He slowly gets up and takes a shower, still hard from his dream. He touches himself, pulling and squeezing until he’s brought to fruition, shooting across the imported Italian tiles. He can’t help thinking to himself that at least he didn’t coat the sheets this time. He wonders if Daphne heard him all the way down the hall in her room; if she has, she’s been quiet about it.

He finishes up his shower and goes to join Daphne for coffee. He doesn’t have classes until this afternoon but he needs to work on his paintings for his show in December. Time seems to keep moving along even though his whole world has stopped as he continues to wait for word on Brian. It’s now fall and the days are getting cooler out. He still can’t help but believe in Brian’s safe return even though he’s started seeing Shawn, who is very understanding of Justin’s situation. They’re taking their relationship very slowly and even though they mess around they haven’t gone all the way so far. Justin isn’t ready to have that intensity in a relationship just yet; he feels like he would be cheating on Brian.

Mel and Lindsay are moving back to Pittsburgh and are buying a new house. Gus has just started the second grade. He’s really growing up fast and JR is still in preschool; next year she’ll be attending kindergarten. The money situation is still tense between Justin and the munchers but they’ve come to accept that they’ll have to abide by Brian’s wishes. Lindsay wants to have another child. She’s asked Justin to be the father but he hasn’t answered her yet. His immediate reaction is to say no, but part of him likes the idea of having a child that would be related to Gus. He’s just not up to having that kind of relationship with them and in the back of his head he can’t help but think that it would somehow be all about the money.

Michael keeps pressuring him to do another Rage comic book. He had to say no, not at this time, considering that he’s so busy with completing his last year of college and his art career is finally taking off. Of course this makes Michael furious with him as he sees it as a way of keeping him down. He’s even offered to have someone else do the drawing but Michael thinks it needs to be someone that actually knows Brian, to get the right feel for the character.

Justin tries to explain to him that he just can’t do it anymore. He’s too close to the storylines and it just breaks his heart when he has to think about Brian so much. He’s at that point where he’s starting to be able to let go just a little and that he can actually make it through the day without having to cry his eyes out. He knows that Shawn is a big part of that and he’s grateful that he’s met someone who is so understanding of where he’s at.

He hasn’t introduced Shawn to the gang yet; he’s a little afraid of what everyone else might think. That maybe he’s giving up on Brian. That’s so not the truth but he just can’t continue to sit around and pine for him all day long. Daphne actually likes Shawn and she thinks he’s really good for Justin. Debbie has asked him to come to Sunday night dinner and Justin is considering bringing Shawn. He knows that this would be a big step in their relationship; kind of like meeting the parents.

So Saturday night Shawn suggests that they go out dancing at Babylon and that way he can meet the guys and it won’t be in such tight quarters as Deb’s house. Justin hesitates but then finally gives in and they go; Emmett sees them first and he waves them over and Justin introduces Shawn to everyone. Emmett can’t help but look him up and down; he’s almost the complete opposite of Brian. He has long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, a little taller than Justin with a slight build and blue eyes. He’s quite the looker. He’s not at all possessive like Jared was; he and Justin order a round of drinks for everyone and then they decide to take a spin around the dance floor.

They dance to several songs until it comes to a slow dance and then they exit the dance floor because they don’t want to appear too affectionate with each other in front of the gang. Emmett can’t help asking him what he does for a living and he’s surprised to learn that he’s also an artist. So Justin tells them that they met while Shawn was preparing for a show at the Sidney Bloom Gallery. Ted says that Lindsay mentioned seeing his art work at the gallery.

Everyone seems to be getting along fine until Michael asks Shawn if he knows about Justin’s fiancé? He tells them yes, saying how sorry he is to hear that he’s still missing. That he hopes that he’ll be found soon knowing just how hard that it’s been on Justin. Justin just looks at Michael and says that they’re just friends and how good it is to have someone to do things with who understands his position. He should have known that Michael would have a hard time with him meeting someone new.

Emmett can’t help but ask if they plan on coming to Deb’s for Sunday night dinner. Justin blushes a little and says that he hasn’t decided if he’s coming or not. After the twenty questions Justin pulls Shawn back out onto the dance floor where they dance to several more songs and Justin apologises for his friends. He hates that Michael is making him feel like he’s cheating on Brian. But he refuses to take the bait and get into it with Michael. After all, they’re not lovers; they haven’t slept together. The most they’ve had is several heavy make-out sessions like a couple of teenagers. Justin’s confused. He doesn’t know what he thinks or what he wants. What does any of it mean? Maybe he is just kidding himself; he is starting to have feelings for Shawn.

~~~~

They’re kneeling on the bed, bodies moving in unison, grinding against each other as they make love. Justin arches his back taking more and more of his penis into him, rocking back and forth. His prostate is being slammed repeatedly, bringing him closer to his climax with each stroke. He starts chanting Bri, Bri, Bri. Finally his body is on overload as he shoots across the duvet and sheets. He collapses onto the bed, panting, trying to catch his breath. After several minutes his breathing levels out. He looks at the clock and it’s four thirty in the morning. God! That seemed so real… He stands and pulls the soaking wet bedding onto the floor and then makes the bed again with fresh sheets; at this rate he’ll be doing laundry every day.

He sits and takes out his notebook and jots down this dream. He’s now decided to keep a record of all his dreams of Brian. He still can’t believe how real they are; when he’s finished he jumps into the shower to clean off all his spunk and sweat. He tries to sleep but he can’t stop thinking about Brian so he goes to his studio and decides to paint. Some of his best work is created after he’s had an erotic dream about Brian. He stays up the rest of the night painting and finally collapses around noon the next day.

He ends up sleeping until five in the afternoon. When he awakes he has to rush to get ready to go to Debbie’s. Since Daphne’s moved in she’s been going with him to Sunday night dinners. They get there a little late and Michael asks him where his new boyfriend is. So now Debbie plays twenty questions as Justin explains that Shawn is just a friend. Michael can’t help jabbing him with, “He looked like more than just a friend last night on the dance floor.”

Justin just gives Michael a dirty look saying he’s just a fellow artist and they have a lot in common. Debbie makes him promise to bring him by the diner this next week so she can meet him.

Lindsay can’t help but ask questions herself; she thinks he’s an amazing artist and says she’d love to see his studio sometime. Maybe Justin could take her over to meet him? Justin just cringes at the idea but says that he’ll see. Which Lindsay takes as a yes. After dinner Justin pushes Gus on the swing in Debbie’s backyard. Lindsay comes out and she starts telling Justin that it’s okay to start seeing someone; that nobody expects him to continue to pine for Brian forever; that it’s healthy for him to start seeing other people. He snaps at her and says that they are really just friends. Why doesn’t anyone believe him? It just drives him crazy that everyone just assumes that he’s sleeping with Shawn and he has to admit that he’s come pretty close a couple of times. He misses Brian so much but he can’t help wondering if he’s ever coming home…

Later that week Shawn invites Justin to go hiking at the nature park outside of Pittsburgh. They take a picnic lunch and Justin brings his sketch pad and draws sketches of Shawn and all the beautiful scenery. Shawn is totally flattered by the drawings and compliments Justin on his talent. He pulls him into a passionate kiss. At first Justin resists but then he gives into the sensations that are building within him. They end up making out for a while until they notice the time and Justin says that he has to get home. He promised Daphne that he’d make dinner and they were planning to meet the guys at the bowling alley. At the last minute he asks Shawn if he wants to come with him.

That evening while they’re bowling Shawn is trying to give Emmett pointers on how to align the ball with the arrows on the lane. Emmett is surprised that he actually knocked down several pins that time and can’t help jumping up and down. Everyone is getting along really well. Lindsay is talking about Shawn’s artwork and somehow she invites herself over to his studio this next week. Justin tells him that he doesn’t have to; that he knows how pushy she can be. Shawn says, “Nonsense! I’m flattered.” Besides he wants to get to know Justin’s friends.

Justin orders another round of drinks and mentions that he’s getting ready to go to New York the next weekend. He’s taking several paintings to Norman and that Norman wants him to come for the emerging artist show opening that weekend. Lindsay can’t help but asking Shawn if he’s going too and Justin blushes. He’s wanted to ask him to go but he’s been a little shy about it. So he smiles his big sunshine smile and says, “Would you like to come with me?”

Shawn just smiles and says that he would love to and that he has friends that they can visit with. Justin will really like them; that they’re also fellow artists who do watercolors and pottery. There are several of their pieces hung around town at some of the galleries. Justin’s all smiles as he gets excited about going away with Shawn and he wonders if their relationship will advance to the next level. Justin has mixed emotions about letting things go farther but he’s also attracted to Shawn and knows he can’t keep stringing him along.

Shawn makes reservations for them at the Four Seasons Hotel and they drive to New York. Justin wants to take about a half dozen paintings with them so they take the jeep. They drive straight to Norman’s office and unload all of Justin’s artwork; Norman can’t help but gush with excitement; he loves the pieces that Justin has brought to him. He says he’s already made arrangements with several galleries to have them hung. Justin says that he really wants to make sure that these two are hung together.

Norman says, “Yes, of course, I can see that.”

Afterwards they head back to the hotel. Justin’s exhausted from driving all day long and they order room service. He can’t help being excited about Norman liking his new paintings. He wonders if they’ll be hung before they head back to Pittsburgh. Shawn says that they’ll just stay until they are; that it’s a long weekend at school and he’s doesn’t have to be back until Tuesday.

After they eat dinner Shawn can tell how stressed Justin is so he offers to give him a back massage. Justin lies down on the bed and Shawn starts working Justin’s shoulders, rubbing his muscles, working out all the kinks and stress that Justin has been carrying around with him. Justin whispers how good it feels as he lets himself drift off to Dreamland. Shawn’s slightly disappointed as he had hoped that the massage might lead to a little more intimacy between the two of them. But he’s not discouraged. They have the whole weekend to get to know each other.

Justin awakes in the middle of the night not knowing where he is. He’s horny and missing Brian. He realizes that he’s not in bed alone as he looks over at Shawn sleeping peacefully. He can’t help himself as he reaches out and runs his hand through his hair then gently kisses his soft lips. He’s still wearing his clothes and they’re both sleeping on top of the duvet. He snuggles himself closer to Shawn as he starts to undo Shawn’s buttons on his shirt. He runs kisses along Shawn’s jawline and rubs noses with him just a little. Shawn starts to stir as he feels Justin kissing him and playing with his hair.

Shawn opens his eyes and the two of them look deep into each other’s eyes. Justin smiles his big sunshine smile that is reflected by the big full moon. He whispers, “I want you” to Shawn and that’s all it takes as Shawn reaches over and runs his hand down Justin’s zipper, cupping his cock. Shawn sits up and pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it onto the floor. Then he pulls Justin into him kissing him passionately. It isn’t long before they’re both naked and writhing against each other, moaning each other’s name.

Shawn pushes Justin down on his back and crawls up his body, running his hands over his chest, whispering; “Oh God, Justin, I’ve waited so long for this moment…” With that he leans into Justin and kisses him passionately. Rubbing their cocks against each other he reaches down and takes hold of both of them, jerking them off several times as their pre-cum mixes together. He reaches for his pants and pulls out a condom and a packet of lube.

Just hearing the sound of the packet tearing open, fills both of them with need and desire. Shawn squirts some lube onto his fingers and circles Justin’s rosebud, pushing in slightly, gently pulling him open. Justin pushes down onto Shawn’s fingers taking more of them into him. Shawn adds another finger and stretches him further open, circling him, spreading more lube as he goes. They stare into each others eyes as Shawn pulls Justin’s legs up around his waist. He slips the condom on and aligns himself at Justin’s opening and pushes all the way into him.

Justin arches his back, feeling Shawn penetrate him. He sighs, loving the feeling of being full. It’s been so long and he’s so horny for him as he feels Shawn starting to work himself in and out of Justin’s sweet ravine. Justin bites gently into Shawn’s shoulder as he cries out his name, shouting, “Yes, yes, oh God, yes!!!” With that Shawn starts pumping into him like a freight train, full speed ahead. He slams into him over and over again hitting his sweet spot each and every time. Justin’s toes curl as he arches his back, taking more and more of him. They both feel the warm and fuzzy feeling building deep within as their orgasm rips through them. Justin cries out Brian’s name as he shoots between the two of them coating their bellies. Justin is not even conscious of the fact that he just screamed someone else’s name…

TBC…


	11. ~ My Big Mistake…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family encourages Justin to seek emotional help to deal with Brian’s death…

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 2044  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen: bigj52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: The family encourages Justin to seek emotional help to deal with Brian’s death…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 11 ~ My Big Mistake…**

Justin wakes early the next morning realizing what he’s done. He gets up and orders a big pot of coffee from room service and starts pacing nervously in the sitting room of the suite; he let his guard down and made love to Shawn. He feels terribly guilty about it and knows that he has to apologize; he never meant for that to happen.

He needs his best friend right now so he calls Daphne and tells her all about it, saying that it never should have happened. How could he have been so stupid? And that it’s his fault entirely. Daphne says that there was two of them and they’re equally responsible for letting things go as far as they did.

“But I love Brian and we stopped using condoms! How am I ever going to explain this to him? He’ll never trust me again.”

“This is Brian, for Christ sake. Of course he’ll understand…”

“No, you don’t get it. He will have lost his trust in me; he’s really a very insecure person sometimes. Oh, Daph, what am I going to do?”

“Wait, I think I hear Shawn in the other room. I’ll call you back.”

With that, he hangs up and pours Shawn a cup of coffee just as he’s coming out of the bedroom.

“Hey, you’re up…”

“What time is it?”

“It’s early… I couldn’t sleep. Shawn, I don’t know how to say this but what happened last night… it was a mistake… I never should have let things go that far. It’s all my fault. Please forgive me.”

“Justin, I understand you’re worried about what happened but do you really think it was a mistake or are you just feeling guilty because of Brian?”

“It was definitely a mistake… I never meant for things to go that far between us. Don’t get me wrong. It was fantastic, it just never should have happened. I love Brian and I know that he’s coming back sometime. Maybe we can just roll back the clock and pretend that nothing happened.”

“Justin… I’m not sorry that something happened; I’m glad that it did. I think we’ve both wanted something to happen for some time now. Please don’t think it was a mistake. Why don’t we just see where it takes us? This could be the beginning of something wonderful…”

Shawn comes over and puts his arms around Justin and holds him close. He explains that of course he feels guilty about what’s happening between them; that it will take some time for him to get over Brian. He tells him that they’ll go slow and not rush into anything; that they’re already really good friends and that’s the best way for their relationship to develop.

Listening to how Shawn puts it seems like the most natural thing in the world, so he relaxes and agrees to have a good time this weekend. They make plans to meet up with some of Shawn’s friends for breakfast that morning and now Justin’s worried about meeting his friends. Shawn tells him he’s being silly and that they’re going to love him.

So they meet Jan, Alex and Matthew at Angelo’s and have a huge breakfast. Afterwards they go back to their studio and show Justin their art work. Jan and Alex are painters and Matthew is a potter like Shawn; they end up spending most of the day playing at the studio. Shawn even shows Justin how to use the potters’ wheel. He had tried it several times in school but here he finally got the hang of it and made several pieces that he’s really proud of.

Later that night Shawn and Justin meet up with Norman to go to the art opening; it was really crowded and surprisingly Shawn knew several people there. So they mingled with the crowd and between Norman and Shawn, Justin was introduced to just about everyone there. Him and Shawn gradually made their way around and saw everyone’s art work, critiquing it as they went. Justin loved being there with all the who’s who of the art scene in New York. Shawn had lived in New York for about ten years and then he moved to Pittsburgh to be near his aging parents.

After schmoozing with all the artists and art critics for several hours and many glasses of champagne later they decide to go out to dinner. They find a place a couple of blocks over that was crowded and only had a half-hour wait so they sit in the bar and eat chips and guacamole, laughing and having a good time. Dinner was excellent and they ran into some other friends of Shawn’s that had just gone to a violin concert. Justin couldn’t believe it when they said it was Ethan Gold… Justin explained that they were friends back when they were both still in school.

By the time they made it back to the hotel Justin was exhausted but he had had such a great time. He was surprised because he usually hated attending such pretentious affairs but being with Shawn and laughing at everyone was really a lot of fun. He leans up and gives Shawn a big kiss on the lips and thanks him for such a wonderful evening. One kiss leads to another and before they know it they are in bed again. Justin motions for them to go slow. They make out like teenagers, petting and groping until Shawn crawls down his stomach, leaving little kisses and nibbles as he goes.

Justin arches his back and throws back his head, spreading his legs open for Shawn. Shawn licks down his big beautiful vein, all the way across his perineum, gently taking his balls into his mouth as he works his shaft. He swirls his tongue around them, sending a rush of pleasure through Justin as he moans out Shawn’s name. Shawn runs kisses up his cock, taking his plump head into his mouth, running his tongue around the ridge before he swallows him whole.

He takes Justin all the way down his throat, slowly creating a steady rhythm as he slides his mouth up and down his cock. He gently rotates his balls in one hand as the other hand slides down between his cheeks and circles his rosebud. He gently works his fingers into Justin’s moist opening, stretching him open, pushing in one, then two of his long fingers. He brushes against his prostate as he increases his rhythm with his lips, bringing Justin to climax as he shoots down Shawn’s throat.

He crawls back up Justin’s body, kissing him passionately, letting him taste his spunk on his lips. Afterwards they just hold each other, cuddling until they fall asleep. Shawn knew that Justin wanted to go slow and so he’s made himself a promise not to push him into doing anything he’s not ready to do.

The next day they played tourists. Even though they both had lived in New York City they never had really done all the tourist-type things, so they went to the Empire State Building, Chinatown and Central Park. They even went shopping in the many little curio shops around the city and really enjoyed themselves. On Monday they meet back up with Norman and he takes them around to the galleries that had hung Justin’s paintings he had brought with him on Friday. They had lunch and made plans for Justin to come back at the beginning of December and stay for several weeks to prepare for his first solo show.

~~~~

Justin sits at the breakfast table, telling Daphne all about his trip to New York and just how much fun he had with Shawn. How he got to see his paintings hung at several art galleries and how it made him feel so special. The wonderful dinner Shawn took him out for to celebrate his success and the clubs they went to with Shawn’s friends or just hanging out at their studio and seeing all the cool art work his friends are into. How they went to the Emerging Artist’s Gallery Opening and ran into a couple of Shawn’s friends and how they walked around and critiqued all the art work. How easy the whole weekend was; he was nervous before he left because he tends to be a loner and wasn’t sure how things would turn out with Shawn for several days.

Daphne can’t help asking what happened between him and Shawn. Justin blushes and says, “Yeah, we finally went all the way and it was great. I mean, I knew it would be but I was really nervous beforehand. Then it just happened and it seemed so natural. Of course I freaked out the next morning and called you. But then we talked about it and he agreed that we can go slowly. Gosh, Daph, I’m really starting to have feelings for him. In the beginning I felt so guilty about it - like I was cheating on Brian. Not that I don’t feel bad about it now but I’m also really excited about it too. I can’t explain. It’s like I feel for both of them. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. Part of me feels like I’m making a really big mistake.

Is it wrong to allow myself to have feelings for Shawn? I’m just so confused all the time; it would just be easier if Shawn wasn’t so nice about everything, so god damn understanding. The thing is now that we’ve gone all the way it’s like our relationship has really accelerated into something really serious and I don’t know how to put on the brakes or if I even want to. I’m totally baffled about the whole thing. Do you think it’s possible to be in love with two people at once?

“Oh my God, Justin! Are you saying that you’re in love with him?”

"Yeah, I think I am… I know it’s too fast but I can’t stop thinking about him like that.”

“Justin, I think you need to figure out what you’re feeling for Brian first, before you start letting yourself fall for someone new…”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I love both of them.”

“But what if Brian comes back and you’re with Shawn?”

“Oh, Daphne, why does it have to be so complicated? I love Brian and I still want to be with him. Shawn knows that; I mean, we’ve talked about it.”

“Yeah, but that was before you got sexually involved with him. I think you need to go into counseling and figure out your feelings.”

“I don’t really need counseling, do I?”

As much as Justin is trying to put the brakes on his relationship with Shawn the harder it is. They now see each other several times a week and Justin has invited him to Sunday dinner at Deb’s. Then of course, they seem to have started bowling and are even talking about joining the bowling league. Lindsay really likes him. She’s been to his studio on a couple of occasions and is trying to convince him to join the GLC, saying that they’re always looking for professional people in the community.

No one ever mentions Brian anymore and that really pisses off Justin. It just seems that no one believes that he’s coming home any more. Justin won’t let Shawn stay the night at Britin and he rarely stays at Shawn’s. Justin is just not ready to give up on Brian. Sometimes Shawn and him fight about Brian; he feels like he’s been more than understanding about Justin’s feeling but now that he’s met Justin’s friends and family he wants their relationship to elevate to another level. He wants to live together but Justin refuses to let things go that far.

Everyone keeps saying that he needs to be able to let go of Brian but he just can’t; he loves him too much. One night Shawn and Justin are fighting and Shawn says, “I’ve given you enough time to get over him and now I need you to focus on our relationship!”

Justin shouts back, “I’m engaged to Brian…”

“You should be engaged to me!” With that Shawn slams the door and leaves…

TBC…


	12. ~ Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family encourages Justin to seek emotional help to deal with Brian’s death…

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 2664  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen: bigj52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: The family encourages Justin to seek emotional help to deal with Brian’s death…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 12 ~ Therapy**

Justin finally agreed to go and see Dr. Alex Wilder to deal with the feelings he has for both men. He explained his feelings for Brian and how he is the love of his life; that he’s so in love with him and how their separation really depresses him. He tells him all about living in New York and even though he loved it there he always felt like something was missing. That moving back to Pittsburgh was the best decision of his life; that’s when Brian and he decided to marry. And he told him all about their plans that they made, that his life was finally coming together.

He told him how all of that changed when Brian went away on that business trip and he was lost at sea and how he’s never stopped believing in Brian. How sad he’s been these last several months that Brian has been missing.

“Everyone says that I have to start living my life and I didn’t want to listen to them so I keep on trying to believe that Brian will be coming home to me soon. Before I knew it the summer was over and all the plans we had to be married at the end of August came and went. I just became even more depressed and I started to become more of a recluse. I hardly ever saw my friends and when I did they just reminded me of Brian.”

“I struggled with cocaine use the first few months that Brian was missing; I was just so depressed that it was a way of me not dealing with reality. But that only made things worse. I secretly went into rehab. I was ashamed of my drug use and didn’t want my mother and some of my friends to know that I had sunk so low.”

“Then Lindsay kept pushing to have Brian declared dead and I just couldn’t deal with all of that… It made me really mad. I felt like I was losing all my friends and family. I pulled away for a while and then they just decided that they were going to have a funeral for Brian. I just couldn’t attend the funeral to deal with the concept of letting him go. Lindsay had convinced herself and everyone else that Brian had left them all part of his estate. After they insisted on reading his will none of them were very happy because it seems that he left a huge donation in their names to the Vic Grassi House. So after that they were all mad at me and expected me to do something. I don’t know what they expect me to do. Pay them off?”

“Anyways after I got out of rehab I pulled my life together and started back to school. Then one day I met Shawn and right from the beginning I felt there was a connection. I tried to go slow and that worked for the first couple of months we knew each other. I told him all about Brian and how I’m still in love with him and he was totally understanding of my situation. We started doing more and more things together. He’s a fellow artist so he understood all the deadlines I had to meet for the shows I’m in and the stress of having to prepare for them.”

“We started growing closer to one another and he kept saying that he understood my feelings for Brian but he also made it clear that he had feelings for me. When he kissed me it just felt good to have someone paying attention to me. I never let it go very far and at first I didn’t sleep with him but we did mess around like a couple of teenagers.”

“Needless to say it took a while for me to be able to get past all that stress of the funeral and then there was the issue of the gang meeting Shawn. They all immediately assumed that we were involved sexually, which wasn’t the truth at that time. I mean we messed around but we never fucked. That is until I went to New York with him a few weeks ago. I really didn’t mean for it to happen. When I tried to back up our relationship he said he understood but he doesn’t. Now he seems mad at me and wants me to accept that Brian’s dead. I think he’s mad because I won’t fuck him and on top of all that I feel so guilty that I’ve let myself become involved with him. The problem is that I really do like him and I don’t want to lose him. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. So… well that’s it in a nutshell.”

“Well I can see that you’re under a lot of stress right now but no one is asking you to make a choice between Brian and Shawn.”

“No, you don’t understand. Shawn has changed and he wants me to move in with him. I think he’s going to ask me to marry him…”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I feel pressured by him. For months he’s been saying that he understands about Brian and has been totally supportive but since we’ve been back from New York he now wants me to make some kind of commitment. It’s like he was just humoring me before and now he expects me to just stop having feelings for Brian.”

“That must be very hard for you. Have you given it much thought how you would feel if Brian were to come home today?”

“There’s no question I would want to be with Brian. I don’t know how I’d explain to him about Shawn but I would be honest and tell him everything. I love him so much and I still miss him desperately.”

“Maybe it would be a good idea if you didn’t see Shawn for a little while and you tried to sort out your feelings for the two of them.”

“Yes. I think that’s a good idea. I just hope that Shawn understands.”

“Well, I think we’ve covered a lot for our first session. I think it would be good if we continued seeing each other twice a week on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons - say two o’clock. You don’t have school then. Right?”

“Thanks, Dr. Wilder. I already feel so much better.”

~~~~

I really do feel so much better. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I just don’t know how I’m going to tell Shawn that I need to take a break for a little while. I get home and talk to Daphne about my therapy session and how it feels good to be able to just unload all my worries onto a total stranger. He seems so nice and he doesn’t interrupt me when I’m trying to explain my feelings.

He doesn’t judge me for letting myself getting involved with two different men and he totally understands that I’ll always love Brian. He doesn’t make me feel like I need to stop believing in him. I guess that’s what I feel when I try and talk to other people about Brian. They all make me feel like I’m an idiot for still thinking he’ll be found but it’s like I can still feel him and I just know he’s trying to find his way home.

That’s the part I’m most pissed off about. Shawn said that he understood my feelings but then all of a sudden he’s thinks I’ve had enough time to grieve and now I need to move on. So it’s like he really didn’t understand. He was just leading me on to believe he was so understanding. And he makes me feel like it’s all about sex; he’s pissed that I don’t want to fuck. I mean, we do everything else you can imagine but I just can’t have intercourse with him. That’s when I feel like I’m cheating on Brian and I just won’t allow myself to feel so bad.

“Oh, Daph, everything was fine until we went to New York and then I had a moment of weakness and it’s totally changed everything for us.”

“Well, I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but you were still messing around with Shawn even if you weren’t fucking so I’m sure that both of you couldn’t help but let your feelings grow stronger. What I mean is that I think you’re just kidding yourself if you think it just happened when you went to New York. I think it’s been happening for a long time now… Not that I blame you because I think you do need someone in your life…”

“Oh God, Daph… I think you might be right. Now I just need some time to think things through. I need a break…”

~~~~

“Shawn, thanks for meeting me here. There’s something I wanted to talk with you about.”

“Oh God, why do I have this feeling you’re about so say something I don’t want to hear?”

“The thing is I really like you. I may even love you but everything is just moving too fast and I know we said that we’d slow down but that doesn’t seem to be happening. I feel like you’re mad at me all the time.”

“I’m not mad. I’m just frustrated and I love you too…”

“No. That’s just it. I’m not ready to allow myself to fall in love. I’m still in love with Brian and I thought that you knew that. I still want to see you but just not for a while. I need time to work through my feelings. That is why I think we need to take a break until after Thanksgiving. It’s only a few weeks from now and hopefully I’ll be able to see things in a different light.”

“Thanksgiving? I thought that you said that you’d come and meet my parents over Thanksgiving weekend?”

“I know I did and I’m sorry but I just feel like we’re moving too fast. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to Brian. Can’t you see I don’t want to hurt you? But I will if I lead you to believe that we could be more than just friends. Because I still believe that he’s coming home. I have to believe in him; we’ve been together for seven years now. Don’t you see I’ve only been with you several months and as great as you’ve been I just can’t move this fast?”

“I understand. Maybe you’re right. We need to step back and take a good look at our relationship. But know I still love you and I want to make a life with you. We’re really good on so many levels and I’ve never felt this close to anyone else. So please don’t throw this all away. Promise me that we’ll continue to talk with each other even if we’re taking a short break.”

Justin smiles and says he’ll keep in touch and try to work something out.

Later that day he’s having dinner with Daphne and he tells her how hard it was to talk with Shawn. How he felt that he was breaking his heart and he hated doing that to him. He wonders how he gets himself into these situations. He’s known all along that he’s in love with Brian, yet he allowed them to start fooling around. He knows that he would never be able to forget about Brian. Was he just using Shawn because he was so lonely?

He really doesn’t think so but that seems to be how it appears now. He knows he has to end their sexual relationship and that will probably kill their friendship in the process. Daphne thinks he’s being too hard on himself and that they both knew the score when they started fooling around. Justin hopes that they can remain friends because they really do have a lot in common and they get along really well.

Later that week the gang goes bowling on Wednesday night. Even though Justin had said that he and Shawn should take a break he was part of the bowling league so he showed up and was really nice and understanding towards Justin. It was like old times when they first started being friends. They had always toned down their affection for each other when they were out in public so the gang was no wiser to what they were going through.

Lindsay and Mel took Justin aside and asked him if he had given thought to their offer to father their next child. Justin blushed and said that he hadn’t really decided. He was flattered but he didn’t think now was the right time for him to become a father. He thinks he would like to do it possibly in a couple of years when he was older and his life was more settled. Then he told them that he would want to have some form of custody arrangement. He couldn’t be a dad like Brian and Michael; he would have to be more involved in his child’s daily life.

Lindsay’s not happy about him wanting to wait and she definitely doesn’t like the idea of sharing custody. Mel suggests that they all take some time to think things through. They didn’t have to make up their minds right away. Now wasn’t the right place for a discussion like this. Justin’s a little frustrated by the conversation and he needs a cigarette so he bums one from the bowlers in the next lane over.

Shawn sees him smoking and is worried about how Justin is feeling; he had talked with Shawn about possibly having a child with Mel and Lindsay. Shawn agreed that Justin needed time before he was ready, but they also discussed the possibility of raising a child together in one of their midnight conversations about what they might want for their future. This is where things always got a little tricky because Justin can see a future with Shawn and they want a lot of the same things.

Shawn just smiles and says, “I guess that’s a conversation for another day when you’re ready to talk about our future. That is if we even have a future. I’m trying really hard here to be what it is that you want me to be. I understand that you need more time and I’m willing to give you all the space you need. I’m sorry that things were moving too fast for you and I’m willing to just be friends if that’s what you need right now.”

With that Justin smiles one of his sunshine smiles and gives Shawn a big kiss, thanking him for being so understanding. It’s times like this that make Justin’s heart open up to Shawn because he truly is a nice guy who can see that they would have a great future together if they ever really gave it a try. It’s times like this that make Justin so confused about what he wants for his future because he could so easily fall in love with him. Justin is so relieved that Shawn isn’t pressuring him anymore and that they seem to be able to be good friends, still hanging out together without all the tension of being in a serious relationship.

The next few weeks passed quickly and Justin and Shawn still remained friends. They had successfully put the brakes on their romantic relationship. Justin was painting, trying to get ready for his show in December. He was planning on going to New York after the first of the month to meet with Norman. December was going to be a hectic month with the holidays coming up and his solo show at the gallery on December fifteenth.

TBC…


	13. ~ Surviving the Elements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Brian survives having been missing for six months …

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 3093  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen: bigj52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: How Brian survives having been missing for six months …

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 13 ~ Surviving the Elements**

Jim, Brian and the crew were sailing around the bay when a fierce wind came upon them. The skies clouded over and the yacht swayed back and forth, the waves threatening to tip them over. All their navigational instruments went haywire and spun out of control so they quickly lowered the sails to try to gain some control over the boat. Once the seas settled down they found themselves in a thick eerie fog where they couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of them

The skipper of the boat ordered Jim and Brian below deck for their own safety. The skies opened up and rain poured down on them, practically flooding the yacht. The first mate started bailing water out of the boat as fast as he could, trying hard not to let the boat sink. The waves were still crashing over the edge, threatening their stability. Over the next couple of hours the yacht drifted many miles off course as the storm subsided into the night.

The rain had stopped but they still remained in a thick dense fog and the moon couldn’t be seen. It was cold and windy out as they drifted farther and farther out to sea. The instruments still didn’t work and they had no idea where they were. The skipper insisted that Jim and Brian get some sleep while he and the crew kept watch above.

Brian tried not to panic but it was hard when they were being tossed around in a small boat in the big dark sea. He knows how to swim but he’s no expert; he lets his mind drift back to Justin wondering what he’s doing at this time. He finds it calming to focus on him when he’s really nervous. Finally they drifted off to sleep with the boat rocking in the waves. Of course the skipper was trying frantically to get someone on the radio but all he heard was loud static. Brian awoke several times during the night from the rocking of the boat and the crashing of the waves.

In the early hours of the morning the rain had started again and the winds were blowing them all over the sea. All of a sudden they felt the boat scrape and hit a rock and start to take on water. The skipper, who was exhausted from keeping watch all night, ordered everyone to put on their life jackets and to come up on deck. The sun was just starting to rise and they can see that they’ve run the ship aground on some rocks jutting out from the cliffs.

The boat was taking on water at a rapid pace and it soon becomes obvious that they’re going to sink. There’s a lot of panicking and shouting from the skipper and the small crew. It’s still stormy out and Brian fears for his life. The skipper orders him and Jim to get the rubber inflatable lifeboat and all the food and fresh water from below along with any other items they might need, such as blankets and the shortwave radio. As they abandon the boat, Jim mentions that they need to paddle far enough away so that when the boat finally sinks they won’t be pulled down under with it. The skipper and the fellow crewmen all climb into the raft and start paddling away. It didn’t take long for the boat to sink, only about twenty-five minutes. The water is cold and the waves are still crashing around them as Brian tries not to let his fear set in and tries to stay positive.

The five of them are quiet as they watch the yacht sink into the ocean, crashing and breaking up on the rough rocky cliffs. The fog is still dense and eerie around them and then there is unbelievable silence after the sea has swallowed up the beautiful boat. It sounds like something out of a horror movie as they listen to the waves crashing around them; no one says anything for quite a while as they take turns paddling and drifting even farther off course. As the sun gets higher in the sky the fog seems to lift and they can see a small island off in the distance. Of course it’s much farther away than it seems and it takes them all day to paddle to the island.

By the time they reach the shore they’re all exhausted and sunburnt but grateful to have reached dry land. They make a fire on the beach and settle in for the night. Mostly they’re just happy to be alive even if they have no idea where they are. The next morning they scout out the island and it appears to be an old abandoned army base from World War Two. There are old barracks and several outbuildings. Thankfully there’s still an old well that pumps fresh water and lots of coconut and pineapple trees so they have fresh fruit.

The first couple of weeks they take turns keeping a look out for passing ships and they always keep a fire burning on the shore. The skipper was obsessed with playing with the shortwave radio and they were even able to pick up some faint broadcasts from far away once in a while. But as the weeks slipped into months they all seemed to settle into regular routines. They would gather firewood and they all became proficient in spearfishing and collecting various roots, wild vegetables and fruit. The most important thing was that they had shelter from the storms that would come in from the sea on a regular basis.

Even though they were toughing it out, they still had the luxury of finding a deck of playing cards, some old maps and pencils and paper. Brian started writing letters to Justin every afternoon as a way of passing the time. He was surprised at how heartfelt they were and how it was so much easier for him to express his emotions now that he realized that there was a real possibility that he might not ever see him again. Although he tried to stay positive, some days were more difficult than others and as the months passed he started contemplating how he would change the direction of his life if they were ever to be rescued.

He decided that even though he loved his job and he had made more than enough money to last a lifetime, if he invested it right he’d like to have a family. He missed Gus and Justin desperately and he knew that he wanted to spend his life with them and possibly raise more children. There were so many things that he never knew were important to him before, now they seemed essential. He thinks that he might want to write a book. Not one about being lost on a remote island but maybe about the art of advertising.

All of them were frustrated and they had hoped that they might have been rescued but as the months went by they seemed less and less optimistic. They often talked about building a boat or a raft but Brian couldn’t see himself even going back out into the ocean on a small flimsy raft after seeing how dangerous the sea could be. He wasn’t at that point that he would risk certain death. Even though he didn’t like the idea of living on this island they at least had food, water and shelter. He was the loner of the group and often went on long walks by himself and hiked around the island.

Yet he found himself helping build the raft as a way of passing the time, as they cut down the bamboo and wove the palm fronds together, trying to make a platform that would float. He felt like he was part Robinson Crusoe as they focused all their energy on building this ridiculous bamboo monstrosity. All of them had lost weight and had firmed up their muscles. They would often run on the beach first thing in the morning just to stay in shape and pass the time. As they were so fit it wasn’t an effort to build a structure that could float but they mostly used it to fish and dive off when they went swimming.

On one morning he woke up feeling very optimistic. He went for an early morning run and then set out to spear some fish for breakfast. He couldn’t help smiling as he reflected on his dream about Justin. It was funny but it was the simple things in life that he dreamt about - like Justin making him breakfast or them going for a walk around the property. And then of course there were the wet dreams about the two of them making love. It wasn’t unusual for Brian to masturbate under a waterfall early in the morning while taking a break from his run.

He was gathering driftwood when he heard it - just the faint sound of an engine flying up above them. He ran and stoked the fire on the beach and waved frantically as the small plane flew in closer for a better look. They had collected many large rocks and spelled out ‘Help’ on the beach the first day they had arrived on the island. The plane flies by and circles around before it finally lands on a long strip of land near the beach. By this time all five of them had raced down to the plane and were jumping up and down as they could hardly believe their eyes.

The pilot and co-pilot disembark from the plane as they start asking lots of questions. They tell them that they have been hired by Justin Taylor to search the remote island for them over the last several months. They’re all eager to get back to their loved ones and quickly pack up their few meager belongings. Of course Brian has all the love letters that he’s written to Justin over the last six months. The pilots wire ahead that they’ve found them just as soon as they’re within radio distance of their home base.

The long-lost sailors now look like they belonged on a hippy compound as their hair has grown long and their clothes are ragged. It’s the middle of the night when they finally get back to Florida and Brian decides that he would rather have a long hot shower before he calls and wakes Justin up in the middle of the night. The water feels so good running down his body as he lathers up the soap and washes months’ worth of grime off his body.

Brian can’t help being a little nervous when he places the call to Justin. The private investigators wanted to call him first but Brian insisted that he be the one to call. It’s very early in the morning, about quarter to five when the phone rings at Britin. At first Justin ignores it, hoping whoever it is will call back later… much, much later. But when he realizes that they’re not going to give up he slowly reaches over and answers the phone saying, “This had better be an emergency!”

“Did you miss me, Sunshine?”

“Brian. Brian, is that you? Where are you? Oh my God! I can’t believe you’re all right!”

“Yeah, it’s me. Sorry about waking you up in the middle of the night but I just couldn’t wait to hear your voice any longer… I’ve missed you so much…”

“Where are you? I’m taking the next flight out to meet you.” Justin jumps out of bed, trying to put on his jeans as he talks on the phone, practically falling down as he runs around looking for a shirt to put on. Brian tells him that he’s already made reservations for him on the next flight out to Florida that leaves in about two hours. Justin stumbles downstairs and makes a pot of coffee as he listens to Brian relay all the horror of being marooned on the remote island. He quickly packs a suitcase and it isn’t long before the taxi cab is there to pick Justin up. He kisses Daphne on the cheek and runs out in the snow to get in the cab.

For the whole flight Justin can’t seem to settle down. He has butterflies in his stomach and he’s so excited about seeing Brian again. He’s drinking his third double-strength latté as he tries to read the newspaper to pass the time. He can’t help wondering what Brian looks like and if he’s all right. He sounded good on the phone but said that he needs to meet with the police and they need to give a statement to the newspapers. It’s truly a miracle that they survived all this time being stranded on an unoccupied island.

Finally Justin’s plane touches down and it’s about nine-thirty in the morning when he slowly makes it off the plane. As soon as he sees Brian he takes off, running directly into Brian’s arms. They embrace, peppering each other with kisses as Brian swings him around with Justin’s legs wrapped around his waist. They finally come up for air as they both whisper, I love you to each other. Brian looks a little like a mountain man with his shoulder-length hair and beard and mustache. There are people everywhere and several of them are flashing cameras, taking pictures of the two as they greet each other. It’s big news in the local papers that they’ve been rescued and it makes the front page of the paper.

They have an appointment with the local papers that afternoon, just after they complete their interviews with the police department. But right now Justin’s stomach is growling and Brian flags down a taxi and they go the Four Seasons Hotel. They order room service and when they’re finally alone Justin is back in Brian’s arms again as they kiss each other passionately. Brian lays Justin down on the bed and starts taking off his clothes. Justin is slightly shy as it’s been a while since they’ve been with each other. Justin turns and looks away, unsure how to tell Brian but he already seems to know. He simply looks into Justin’s eyes and says, ”It’s all right. I didn’t expect you to have gone six months without having sex.”

He simply starts kissing Justin’s collarbone and works his way down the middle of his stomach to his belly button, licking and sucking his way down to the zipper on his jeans. Just then there’s a knock on their door and room service is there with their breakfast. Brian opens the door to show them in, tipping the clerk a large bill, asking him to bring back condoms and packets of lube. Justin feels so decadent having such a large breakfast but Brian insisted that they have steak and eggs with fresh fruit. He’s actually hungry as he pours them each a cup of strong coffee.

After they’ve finished eating the clerk returns with his special delivery and takes their tray away. They get back to their welcome-home sex as Brian pulls Justin back over to the bed. “Oh God, I’ve missed you so much…” They’re both so in love with each other, trying to go slow but it’s hard when you’ve been missing someone so much. They’re finally both completely naked as they look each other over. Justin’s still a little skinny from his drug induced days and Brian is more toned and muscular than Justin remembers. As they keep running their hands up and down each other’s bodies, Brian whispers, “I love you…” and Justin simply says, “Me too…”

Brian rolls Justin over and like their first time he starts at Justin’s shoulder blades and laves his way down his body until he reaches his cheeks and then pulls them apart. He licks his beautiful rosebud, slowly delving deeper into Justin’s tender folds, circling around and pulling him open as he goes. Justin moans deeply as he’s filled with pleasure and desire. He bucks up, meeting Brian’s tongue as he opens up for him. Justin hears Brian tearing open the condom and then he slides it down his plump dick, coating his long shaft with lube. He slowly runs his fingers around Justin’s quivering hole and then he pushes deep into his boy that he’s missed for so long. The pressure is almost too much as he glides into him and slowly starts working himself into a slow, pleasurable rhythm.

Brian holds Justin by his hips as they move in sync with each other. Justin’s on all fours and loves the feeling of Brian gliding in and out of him. He sends waves of pleasure through him as their rhythm increases until they’re both near their climax. It doesn’t take them long as it’s been so many months since they’ve been together. Brian tries to hold off his orgasm as best he can as he continues to pump into Justin. He finally reaches around front and takes Justin’s cock into his hand, working him frantically as he brings them both to orgasm together, crying out each other’s name.

They both collapse onto the bed as they try and get their breath back. Brian just lays there with a big grin on his face as his heart races. He runs his fingers through Justin’s long blond hair. “I was so worried that I might not ever see you again,” Brian says as the two lovers lay there holding each other. Justin just smiles and says, “I knew you would come back to me, even when everyone else was willing to give up on you. I knew we’d still be together.” Brian reaches up and puts his hand behind Justin’s neck, pulling him back down to him. Kissing passionately, the two lovers continued making out until they both drifted off to sleep. This was the first time Brian had enjoyed the luxury of sleeping in a big king-sized bed next to his sweet prince for six long months.

TBC…


	14. ~ Coming Home with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin and Brian have an unexpected celebration…

Title: I’m Missing You…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 2777  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Passion and Lust…  
Beta Queen: bigj52

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: Justin and Brian have an unexpected celebration…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

**I’m Missing You…**

**Chapter 14 ~ Coming Home with You**

Brian slept long into the day. Justin finally woke him up after talking with Jim who let him know that they had an appointment to meet with the police and the newspaper to give them their story. He hated to wake Brian up seeing how peacefully he was sleeping. Justin climbed back into bed with Brian and started placing butterfly kisses all over his face; Brian was completely out to the world. Justin lay there, admiring his fiancé’s body; he truly was an Adonis. His muscles were so well defined and there wasn’t one ounce of fat on his body.

He snuggled his face down into his bush, took his beautiful cock into his hand and slowly started licking him. He ran his tongue down his pulsating vein, took his balls into his mouth and sucked them tenderly. He heard Brian moaning and whimpering as he arched his back. Justin continued sucking him as he ran his hand up and down his long shaft. Brian rutted into his hand, trying to get more stimulation. Justin ran his tongue back up his length and took his plump mushroom head into his mouth and started working him a steady pace.

Now Brian is moaning and panting, fisting Justin’s beautiful blond mop, directing him up and down his shaft. It isn’t long before he cums, shooting ropes across Justin’s swollen lips and down his throat. Brian’s breathing is erratic as he whispers, “God, I’ve missed waking up with you.”

Justin’s all smiles as he climbs back up Brian’s body, telling him how much he’s missed him and how he plans on waking Brian up every morning just like this. Then he reminds Brian that he has to meet up with the police and newspaper in about an hour. So he takes Brian’s hand and leads him into the large shower. The water feels so good pouring down his body. He smiles down at Justin as Justin starts soaping up his body, washing his shoulders and stomach. Brian grabs the shampoo and lathers up Justin’s hair as the two lovers get lost in just touching each other’s bodies.

Once they’re all washed off Brian sees that Justin brought a condom into the shower with him as he tears it open with his teeth and slides it down his cock. Justin turns around and leans against the wall, pushing his ass out, giving himself over to Brian. Brian coats his fingers with lube and circles Justin’s pucker and then he fills him completely, gently thrusting in and out of him. It isn’t long before he’s slamming into Justin with full bravado, hitting his prostate on each downward stroke. Justin is totally overcome as he moans Brian name over and over again. He takes his penis into his hand and works himself to the same rhythm as Brian’s thrusts, and then they both cum, chanting each other’s names.

As Brian dries off he looks at himself in the mirror. “God, I look like some kind hippy. I had thought that I would have had time to get a haircut before the interviews. But I don’t dare try and cut my beard myself. I need a professional to cut this thing off.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I think you look rather distinguished, but you can definitely use a haircut.”

Justin thought to himself that it was kind of funny that he was attracted to Shawn, who had a ponytail, yet Brian with the longer hair just seemed so out of character; he really preferred him with shorter hair. Justin shook his head, clearing it of all thoughts of Shawn.

“Oh, I packed you some clothes from the house, mostly jeans and shirts and a leather jacket.” Brian thanks him as it feels good to be in his own clothes, even though he was given new clothes last night after they were found. Brian puts on a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved red shirt with the black leather jacket and his favorite pair of black high-tops.

“Oh God, you look so good to me,” Justin whispers into Brian’s ear as he reaches up and kisses him. They left the hotel and flagged down a taxi cab then went to the police station where Brian met up with the other survivors. They answered all the painstaking questions that the police had for them. It took longer than anyone could have guessed. Then they were swept off to the local television station where they were interviewed by the local news teams and taped an interview with Good Morning America. It all seemed like a zoo after a while. They took lots of pictures and even agreed to a ‘before and after’ haircut shot and then another round of pictures. They talked about Brian being a businessman and about Kinnetik. They interviewed him and Justin, asking Justin what it was like when Brian was missing and what the future held for both of them.

Justin and Brian were totally exhausted when they were done with all the news media. That evening they went out for an expensive dinner and talked about their future. Brian reached over and took Justin’s hand in his and very quietly said, “What do you think about going to Vermont and getting married this weekend? I know we had planned on doing it with all the family but I’d really like it if we just went some place with just the two of us. We can always have a big party when we come back.” Justin is so happy he jumps up and kisses Brian, sitting on his lap, right in the middle of the restaurant. They turned a few heads but when the Maitre d’ found out that they were engaged, he ordered them a bottle of the best champagne… on the house.

Later that night they find themselves laying across the king-sized bed, making out passionately. Justin can’t help himself as he rubs up against Brian’s thigh, enjoying the feel of the texture of his jeans caressing his now full erection. Brian rolls over on top of him and starts rubbing their cocks together; they rut together like a couple of teenagers when Justin cell phone starts ringing. They both know that the family back home has seen the broadcast of Brian’s rescue on the national news. Justin moans as he reaches for his pants pocket to answer the phone. Of course it’s Michael screaming at him. “How could you not have called us? When are you two coming home? When did you find out? Is he alright?”

Justin just hands the phone over to Brian who answers Michael in short abrupt sentences. Then he tells him that they’re going to take a few days off, just for the two of them, failing to mention that they plan on getting married. He promises to call Lindsay in the morning and finally gets Michael off the phone. Justin rolls his eyes and says, “You might as well get it over with, otherwise the phone is just going to keep on ringing. Although I think you should know that they had decided that you were lost at sea and not coming home. They even insisted on having a funeral for you.”

“I couldn’t be part of it all because I just didn’t believe that you weren’t coming home to me. I was so angry at them that I could hardly speak to them. I never stopped believing in you. I was so sure you’d be back, although I have to admit that I did start seeing someone. But it was never serious and he knew all about you. I’m so sorry but I don’t want you to hear this from someone else.”

“Do you love him?”

“No, not the way I love you… We even stopped seeing each other.”

“So it’s over between you and him?”

“Yes, yes, completely… I love you so much… I think I was just having a moment of weakness.”

Brian leans in and kisses Justin softly on the lips, whispering, “I’m back now. What happened in the past is just that… in the past.”

Justin gets a big sunshine smile on his face and starts kissing Brian passionately. He runs his hands down his clothing, hooking his thumbs into his waistband of his jeans and pulling him even closer. Just then Justin’s phone starts ringing again and he just reaches over and hands it to Brian. This time it’s Ted asking a million questions. Brian’s very patient as he answers all of Ted’s questions and explains that he doesn’t want to be disturbed for the next few days; that he and Justin are taking several days off just for themselves and that he’ll be back at the end of the week.

He finally hangs up and directly calls Lindsay. It rings several times before Mel answers with, “Do you know what time it is? We have small children sleeping…”

“Sorry about that, Mel. So how is Sonny Boy?”

“Brian? Is that you? Oh my God! I can’t believe it’s you… Where are you?”

“I’m in Florida. I’ve only been back less than a day. Justin’s here with me and we just thought you might want to know that I didn’t drown at sea…”

“I’m so glad you’re alright. Do you want me to wake Lindsay?”

“No. If she’s sleeping just let her rest. I’ll call her tomorrow. I won’t be back in Pittsburgh for several more days. Justin and I are taking a few days to ourselves, so don’t worry about reaching us.”

With that Brian turned off Justin’s phone and tossed it on the night stand. Then he hungrily looked over at Justin and pulled him into his embrace. He leaned down and started kissing Justin as the two of them ran their hands all over one another. Showing each other just how much they have missed each other, it isn’t long before they’re both disrobed and rutting into each other again. Brian whispers to Justin, “I can’t believe how much I’ve missed you. There were times I questioned if we’d ever see each other again.”

Justin says, “From now on I’m traveling with you when you go away on business. I don’t want to spend one single day apart. Brian smiles and says, “I don’t plan on traveling on business any time soon. I just want to get home and relax and enjoy our life together. But first let’s finally take that winter vacation we always talked about but never got around to. We can even go skiing and snowboarding if we ever make it out of the cabin…”

Justin is so happy he can hardly believe that Brian’s really back; he can’t keep his hands off of his soon-to-be husband. He climbs on top of him and starts peppering his chest with kisses. He reaches down to grab his cock, placing a condom on him and then he starts riding him slowly, pumping himself up and down. Brian just looks up into his big blue eyes as they both race towards their climax, just watching their emotions playing across each other’s faces. They’ve missed each other so much that it isn’t long before they’re both there on the edge, ready to tumble over into the abyss.

Brian rolls them over as his breathing starts to level out. Soon they’re both ready to start again, this time a little less rushed. They take their time enjoying each other’s bodies as they slowly touch each other, caressing and stroking each other’s skin. They savour the passion that they’ve been missing for so long, expressing so much emotion without saying a word. After several more bouts of lovemaking they drift off to sleep, holding each other tight.

They sleep late until noon, getting much-needed rest. When they awake they make their arrangements to fly to Vermont and book a cabin in the snow where they can enjoy their honeymoon. Their flight gets in around 3 pm and they go directly to the Justice of the Peace and take their vows in a short but meaningful service. Then they rent a jeep and drive to their getaway at a ski lodge, just a few miles down the road. The cabin is fully stocked and also offers room service. They arrive at dusk, just as the sun is setting and they watch it drop down below the horizon on the mountain slopes. There is a fire all set to be lit when they enter the rustic cabin to see a bottle of champagne already iced down in a bucket for them to enjoy.

Justin’s still in a daze from all that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours. He can’t believe that Brian’s back and that they’re married; he’s never felt so happy after being so lonely for the last six months. It’s hard for them to keep their hands off one another as they’re still in a state of euphoria. Brian takes Justin into his arms, holding him tight as he asks him if he ever thought that this day would come. He tells him that he’s the happiest he’s ever been. Brian kneels down and lights the fire. Then he pops the champagne and pours them both a glass of bubbly. They snuggle down in front of the fire, just holding each other, getting a little drunk as they start to make out again.

They look into each other eyes seeing so much passion and desire reflected there; Brian slowly undresses his husband as their skin warms to the fire’s glowing embers. Brian whispers, “I’ve dreamt of this moment so many nights that I was missing you.” Justin just grins and kisses his husband, pushing him down on the rug in front of the fire, remembering the first time they made love in front of a fire at Britin. Brian rolls them over and strips himself of his own clothing, running his hands over Justin’s beautiful porcelain skin. Brian hovers over Justin as he brings his legs up and around his waist. He lines up his cock with Justin’s pink pucker. Justin reaches between them, sliding a condom down Brian’s weeping penis. Brian squirts some lube on his fingers and circles Justin’s hole, opening him up.

Brian slowly enters his husband. Justin arches his back, taking more of Brian into himself as they start a nice steady rhythm, delving deeper on each thrust. They take it slowly at first, trying to feel all their desire, igniting a fire deep within each of them. But it isn’t long before they’re driving deep into each other, feeling all the silky pleasure sparking their orgasm as their bodies quake together. Brian collapses down onto Justin, his breathing ragged and his heart racing. They just lay there in a sticky mess as they catch their breath. Brian can feel Justin’s huge smile against him as they both lay there in their afterglow. They hear the fire crackle and pop in the background as they hold each other tight, drifting off into a much-needed sleep.

They spend the next couple of days just enjoying married life, making mad passionate love on almost every surface in their small cabin. Finally on the third day they decide to go skiing down the powdery mountain slopes, taking a break for lunch and then snowboarding most of the afternoon. They get back to their cabin with cold and sore muscles and then hunker down in front of the fire to get warm. It seems that between making love and winter sports they feel like they’ve used every muscle in their bodies. Now they’re contemplating taking a nice long hot bath. They sleep the rest of the evening and unfortunately they have to return home the next day.

Brian is a little anxious to get home as it’s been so long since he’s been there. He knows that Justin needs to get ready for his art show in New York in the next week. They move rather slowly the next morning as they pack all their things and get ready to drive back down the mountain where they turn their jeep into the car rental. They order a large breakfast from room service and enjoy the morning as they say good-bye to the cozy cabin they’ve called home these last few days. Justin insists that they stop and buy postcards to send everyone before they leave. He sits and writes them out in the airport as they wait for their plane to take off. It isn’t long before their flight is boarding and Justin just has time to get them in the mail before they board the plane.

The End…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's it, I hope you've enjoyed it... All comments are welcome...
> 
> ~ Kathleen


End file.
